The U.S. has more successes than any other country. That might sound like a broad generalization, but it's not. Australia has one town named Success. The U.S. has three - one in Arkansas, one in Missouri and one in New Hampshire. Hopefully, they compensate for Why, Arizona; Last Chance, Colorado; and Hell, Michigan.

Los Angeles is filled with waiters looking for success as actors. The next Robert DeNiro or Glen Close could ask what I want for dinner. Although I admire their determination, I know there are some who won't make it onto the big screen or the little screen. Those are the ones who can't even act like waiters.

Actors aren't the only ones who need help reaching their goals. That's why self-help books have been around for years. Lately, however, I've noticed their titles have a different slant. "Coming To Our Senses", "Grow Up! How Taking Responsibility Can Make You a Happy Adult", "Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life" - these books are being marketed to baby boomers - the ones who couldn't figure out the color of their parachute or couldn't swallow chicken soup for the soul. Nevertheless, if self-help books really help, why do we need more?

Mad Magazine has been around since the fifties and I plan to follow the advice of its self-help guru, Alfred E. Newman. His "What me worry" could make me a newwoman.

Mothers are another good source for advice about succeeding. My mother repeatedly told me if first you don't succeed, try, try again. Of course, the underlying message was if I didn't succeed then, I should do it her way.

There's a saying that behind every successful man is a good woman. There was a time women were discouraged from working outside the home, but times have changed. Instead of heading PTA's, women are heading colleges, corporations and countries. Now the saying should be "Behind every successful man is a woman qualified for his job".

If I made a list of successful men, Albert Einstein would be on it. He'd be on it because he was a genius, a humanitarian, a philosopher - and because of this quote. "If A is success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X, Y is play, and Z is keeping your mouth shut". Although Einstein is famous for his theory of relativity, this is his theory of relatives.