If I want dependable, the "d" in delicatessen is for dependable. The thickness of the pastrami sandwiches might vary and sometimes the matzo ball soup is thicker; but when I go to a deli, I know what to expect. I also know who's going to serve me. If you're under fifty, you shouldn't be a deli waiter. Comfort food should be served by someone who makes you feel comfortable. In LA most waiters are out-of-work actors. In delis waiters' work is being waiters and they act like it.

Chinese is the most Americanized foreign food because Americans have been eating it the longest - and ruining it the longest. I like Chinese because it's vegetarian-friendly; but a Chinese restaurant without Chinese customers is like a cookie without a fortune - no food for thought.

For me Indian food curries favor because it's vegetarian-friendly too. The spices, however, can be unfriendly. That's why I won't be ordering medium spicy again. According to Webster's dictionary, medium means intermediate; and intermediate means in the middle - but not in an Indian restaurant. Only my water glass was in the middle - of my lips.

Italian food is my family's favorite. Pizza, pasta, lasagna, risotto, eggplant parmiagna - I could live on Italian food. Of course, living would be easier if tomato sauce didn't stain.

Japanese cuisine is probably the healthiest - fish, rice and a dab of wasabi to clean out your nasal passages for a week. If sushi had been popular when I was a newlywed, I wouldn't have burned dinner.

I can't convince myself that Mexican food is healthy. In fact, I gain two pounds as soon as I walk through the door - but it's not just me. After having chips and tortillas and beans and rice, John doesn't want starch in his shirts.

Then there's Thai. In LA there's a Thai restaurant on every block. I'm determined to try them all in order to find the best one. Every try is a night I don't have to cook - which is another reason I like Thai food.

Last, but not least, there's American food; but what's American depends on what part of the country you're in. From sea to shining sea can be from mahi mahi topped with macadamia nuts to boiled lobster served with corn on the cob. American cuisine is eaten from a melting pot.