One of the important questions we need to resolve from the beginning of a break-up is what part we played in causing the break-up of the relationship. More often than not, our response is not really the true answer. Rarely, does a relationship end because one person suddenly did or said something unforgivable. Often, relationships end because they are no longer convenient and convenience is one reason some people remain in a relationship.

How often we hear about a break-up and the first thing we say, "I thought they had a perfect relationship, they have it all, good jobs, great kids, beautiful home and now they are getting a divorce, I do not understand." Then you begin to hear stories: "They have been fighting for years, he has had several affairs, and she has a friend on the side." "They stayed together because of the kids or they had to stay together to keep the house." The story is a familiar one today, when more than fifty percent of marriages are falling apart within the first five years of the marriage.

There is nothing wrong with marriage, but there is a whole list of things wrong with men and women who are not making certain they have a good friend long before the person becomes a spouse. When two people are, good friends they are tolerant, sincere, open, honest and above all they are committed. When two people are good friends they care deeply about each other's feelings, they choke on each other's tears, and they do not insult each other with sarcasm. They support the efforts of each other to improve the relationship.

Good friends have roaming eyes in a crowded room, searching to meet eye to eye above the crowd with a glance, which says I love you! Good friends are mature they each have learned to live alone and they have developed the skills to live with another. They have learned to care for a home and have learned how to meet monthly financial obligations. They are mature and self-assured but unafraid to share their deepest self with another. Good friends make good marriages and good friends have lasting marriages.

When there is a break-up undoing the past is impossible but we can work together to create a new future. Admit the ways you failed as a partner in the relationship. Ask for forgiveness and offer forgiveness. Make four promises and never break them. I will love you, even when you are angry with me. I will never be sarcastic, rude or intolerant of you. I will discuss our differences and will never condemn or belittle you. I will faithfully share all responsibilities for our home and our family.