The Daily Express, one of the tabloid national newspapers in the UK, decided to have some of their journalists tested for man-made chemicals inside their bodies. To their amazement they found they had around FIVE HUNDRED chemicals inside them. Chemicals we didn't used to have just fifty or sixty years ago. And the worst thing is, no one knows how these man-made chemicals are reacting with each other.

What on Earth is in that disturbingly bright and cheerful Cillit Bang plastic bottle containing the miracle power cleaner? I'm looking at it now, and it's a purple bottle with a bright red lid and a striking label of orange, pink and white. I don't know what image it is supposed to convey, but 'demonic' is the feeling I get from it. It's not a bottle I would like to mess with. On the back we can read what this product is suitable, and more interestingly, not suitable for. It is not suitable, for instance, on enamel or aluminum, linoleum or matt glass. Eats into metal, dissolves glass? I think to myself. Cillit Bang is "irritating to eyes, respiratory system and skin". Respiratory system? We are advised to keep it out of the reach of children - I would - and avoid contact with skin and eyes. Good thing I'm not the cleaner (one of the Young Ones is), I can never be bothered with rubber gloves. But if something does go wrong, worry not. Just "seek medical advice immediately", as the wrapper says. What on Earth is in this monster pack? Fortunately the Cillit Bang people are happy to tell us. It's full of "5% non-ionic surfactant". That's OK then. I admit I never listened in Chemistry, but I'm positive non-ionic surfactant is not on the Periodic Table of elements. About as useful as "other" when talking of ethnic backgrounds. Maybe tomorrow I'll Google it.