The very fact that two people who got together and promised to be there for each other through thick and thin have now come to this stage that they must separate is unfortunate indeed.

Divorce has dark connotations because it affirms that something went wrong.

But if you think that divorce is the only option for you, then there is no point looking back to see who was at fault. Instead focus on how to make the best of a bad situation.

The accent should be on damage control if, for whatever reason, divorce has happened, or is going to happen.

And, the priority should be to make all efforts to minimize its impact on the kids. Here are some suggestions on how to do that:

1. Children love both parents. Ideally, you should stick to the marriage for the sake of children, but if it is making everyone unhappy, then it's best to put an end to it. It's important to remember you have a responsibility towards your children to provide a loving and caring home with both parents.

If your relationship is struggling, for whatever reason, be honest about it and seek some help - either for yourself, or jointly as a couple. Do whatever it takes to re-kindle the love you once had.

This is not to suggest that you have to tolerate an abusive relationship ?for the sake of children.? An unhappy home is worse than a broken home. If parents can't live together as mature individuals then perhaps it is best to get out of the relationship.

2. There are two ways of separating: one is to fight and create an ugly scene and the other is to be mature and handle it amicably. First of all, come to a joint decision that it is the best option in the given situation. And, as far as possible, try to avoid long court battles and custody disputes because they not only cost the earth but shatter your spirit. At this time you need all the positive energy to move on in life rather than get bogged down by deep wounds. Moreover, this is setting a bad example before the children who have their own problems of dealing with the prospect of losing the company of one parent.

3. Even if the other person is "evil", do NOT engage in a hate campaign against them. That is the parent of your child you are talking about - how would you like it if people spoke about YOUR parents that way? Again, be grown- up and honest with your children. Answer their questions as honestly and dispassionately as you can, reassuring them that YOU are not planning to leave too (that is a very common fear).

4. While it is important to be pleasant, it is not necessary to take the entire blame on yourself and make excuses for the other parent. As I have said earlier, the important thing is to be honest. If the other parent doesn't turn up at the promised time, your child will feel hurt and perplexed. At this time, you need to attend to her rather than give justifications for his unreliable behavior. Above all, don't let the child feel that it is her fault that he behaves the way he does or that you separated in the first place.

5. Even if you have been badly hurt or angry, you must encourage your child to keep in contact with the other parent through phone calls, letters and occasional visits. Of course, if the visits become unpleasant, you might have to stop that. Usually, children need to know that both parents can be contacted. Don't pass on your perceptions and prejudices to your child.

6. Do NOT use your children as a messenger between two immature adults who cannot even find a way to talk civilly to each other.

7. In extreme cases you might have to take drastic steps to protect your children if the other parent is harmful or abusive to them. But make sure this perception is not coming from your own pain, guilt or jealousy.

8. As a rule, joint custody, in which the child spends three days a week in one home and 4 days in the other doesn't seem to work. Children need a place they can call home. Be objective and think of your child's interest. If the other parent really is emotionally and financially stronger, and can take better care of the kids - then don't let your ego stop you from permitting it. It may hurt you very bad, but you are an adult and should be able to handle it. Give preference to what is good your child. At the same time, don't interfere with the parenting style of the other parent. You do your best in your house and leave them to look after the parenting in their house.

9. You may want to move on with your life and make friends. Just be sensitive about bringing your new friends home. Your children are not going to like them because they kill all hopes of their parents ever getting together again.

10. Above all, get yourself sorted out. Heal from the wounds, learn from the past, and be an example to your children of how to overcome a bad situation and turn it to good. Give your children hope, not despair, about human relationships, or they will just repeat the same cycle when they grow up.

Will your children suffer from your divorce? It all depends on how you handle it. But if you can maintain a calm, adult, relationship with your ex, so that you can talk sensibly about visiting times, school progress, etc, even if you can't live together, then you children can do very well.

Ultimately, it all boils down to being the very best parent that you can be.