Guys, are you tired of being rejected by women after the first date? Are your advances getting shot down with every girl you meet? Are your smooth moves getting you nowhere with the ladies? Are you screaming for help, tired to death of sausage fests every weekend? Read on, you bunch of sad, sad losers!



1)Tattoo her name on your forearm the night before the date. If you really want to make her remember you, then have her name inked in a noticeable place before getting to know one another. It shows that you aren't afraid of commitment, and that you've got the balls to love! Patricia, Stacy, Morgan, Holly, Jennifer: they'll look wicked rad on your bicep, forearm, or even forehead!

2)Address your date only by ?Milady.? The Italians may get the award for Sexiest Language, but nothing beats old-school English. Let her know that you think she's noble (i.e. hot to trot) with a moniker that's sure to get her knickers warm!

3)Three puppies, three kittens, and one baby duck. Screw chocolates, roses, and a Hallmark card. Instead, show up with a slew of cute-n-cuddly baby animals! It'll show off your gentle side, as well as letting her know that you don't mind going the extra mile to please. Better yet, bottle-feed a few of the critters in front of your date, and you'll be set for success!

4)Shave her legs. For girls, this is one of the most frustrating chores. Practice on yourself for a few hours, and then after supper offer her coffee back at your place. When she's least expecting it, lather her legs up and shave away! It'll be the time of her life!

5)Take her out on a two-seater bicycle. Sure, in the seventies every available girl in America expected to be picked up promptly at seven in a Firebird, Mustang, Camaro or a Corvette, but things have changed: green is now the new sexy, and gas guzzling hotrods are out. Woo her with a bicycle, and show off your love for mother earth. And if you really want to impress, offer to take her to a restaurant all the way across town; the dripping sweat will make you look dripping hot!

6)Grow a massive beard. Most women love outdoor types. Even if you're afraid of campfires and mosquitoes, you can make up for it with a raging beard! Complete the look with flannel, denim overalls, and a full-sized axe! You'll be manlier than the guy on Bounty paper towels!

7)Tattoo her mother's name on your other arm. It's a fact that women are way into men who develop a healthy relationship with a their moms. Send your date the message that you not only dig her, but her hot mom too with a tattoo of each of their names! Classy!

8)Adopt a kid (or at least borrow one). This is pretty self-explanatory: girls get all hot and bothered for men who are both manly and sensitive. What better way to say ?I'm friggin sensitive!? than by getting a kid. Bring Junior along for the date, and change his diaper right there on the table. She's sure to swoon!

And if you didn't find anything here that works:

Dating can be hard -- not just hard, but grueling. There are so many factors to consider: where to meet someone, how to strike up a conversation, the awkward asking the person on a date, the date location, the date activities, the expectations on the first date, wardrobe, hair, etc. But the good news is that, chances are, if the person that you are chatting up at Starbucks is single, then most likely they are looking for a date. Now, there are some that disagree that being single equals being interested in a relationship. Their argument might be based on the idea of being independent or the importance of the time to get to know one's self intimately, and of course those things are crucial. But people naturally like other people, and even more so people like being romantically involved with other people. It's a fact of nature, if you will.

So, knowing that the chances are in your favor for your single acquaintance to be an interested single acquaintance puts the ball in your court to decide on a move--in other words, it is decision time. And the first and foremost decision to make is to relax. There is nothing new to that piece of advice, but consider this: once you have determined if the person you find interest in is reciprocating the same "come hither" vibe, then you have already made some leeway. Because he or she is positively reacting to the conversation you both are engaging in or with appropriate body language that gives good signals, then they are in agreement with what is happening. You can relax, then, because they are okay with where things are going. When you decide to pop the question and ask that person out on a date, they are already ready for the question and most likely they already have an answer. Thus, the beauty of small-talk and body language is that it gives us a chance to feel someone out and to test their reactions.

Once you are quite sure that he or she is interested in a date, the next step is simple: ask! Although this part seems as if it should be fraught with complications and minute details, it is definitely not. The exact opposite of what you should do is to overthink the question. Because the person is more than likely expecting it, much of the pressure, then, is released; the anticipation of the question is good because there is no fear for catching them off guard.

The question itself should be simple as well. Remember, this should not be treated as a life-or-death situation--although this is a commitment of sorts, asking someone on a date is not asking for their hand in marriage. This is not to say that it is unimportant (especially if you have not been on a date in quite a while!), but that the situation should be accurately sized up.

And finally, when the question is asked is as almost as important as how it is asked. The smoothest move is to usually pop the question towards the end of the meeting. Even if everything feels right, asking too soon could make things a little awkward, especially if there is a few hours left before you both part. It is always in your best interest to keep things casual, and then within that thirty-minute window before the goodbyes, ask. Then, the evening will have ended on a high note, and you will both part with anticipations of the big date.