If you know you need a nap, take one. You don't need anyone's approval. Live your life on your own terms. If you know a particular food aggravates a condition, don't eat it.



Doing things his own way it slowly transforming Todd's life. Todd is a 48 year old single male. He lives in a nursing home due to a severe head injury. Todd also has severe chronic pain due to GERD. Todd was spending most of his time in bed.

He had been hospitalized multiple times for extensive testing and the doctors repeatedly told him the pain was "primarily psychological." His pain medicine and anti-depressants were constantly adjusted and changed, without good results. Todd told everyone he felt "dismal."

His family bought him a new computer to distract him... It sat unused. The nurses told him he should go to activities. Nothing interested him. I started seeing Todd for counseling as a last resort. No one believed it would help. Todd frequently complained to me that no one understood or believed him. I validated his feelings and reinforced his ability to be understanding to himself. I encouraged him to decide for himself how to approach his situation.

Todd started his own exercise routine in bed. He is very disciplined about doing it twice a day. Todd set a goal of being able to walk in two years. (His leg muscles atrophied from not using them and damage from his injuries.) Now when I talk with Todd, he sits up and smiles. He goes outside on nice days. He is more positive.

Todd took responsibility to do what he felt was best. He still has chronic pain, he still lives in a nursing home and others still don't believe him. But now, Todd believes in himself.

Take responsibility for your life and your health. Do what you believe is the best to take care of yourself. Don't expect people to understand. Be understanding to yourself.

Clearly define what decisions are appropriate for you to make on your own. Don't feel compelled to tackle them all at once; go at your own pace, even if that pace is tackling one boundary, person or issue at a time. If the person pushes and you feel they are not respecting your boundaries or response, stay strong and clear in enforcing them. It's easy for boundaries to become blurry when you aren't sure where you stand. The more clear you are in your own mind the more clearly you can communicate and enforce your own decisions.

The more you set and enforce appropriate boundaries, the more self confident you become. Practice makes is easier each time.

And remember, families often have difficulty respecting boundaries. It can seem obvious to them that you have self-defeating behavior that aggravates your pain or options that you could choose to improve your situation. It can be painful for them to watch you make poor decisions, but that's how we learn and grow. If they push their opinions, it frequently creates barriers.