Stallikng does not come in one form or one type of activity. Is there someone who you bump into in public a little too often? Does this go a little beyond coincidence? Do you have telephone calls from the same person too often? Does this continue to be a daily problem even after you ask them to stop? Do your instincts tell you something is very wrong with this situation?



These are just a few methods that stalkers can use to contact you. How can you be certain that you are being stalked? Does contact from this individual cause you fear? Are you intimidated by their presence in your life? Do you feel threatened? Are you afraid to do more because you are unsure of this individual's reaction should you strongly reject them?

Stalkers commonly shower their victim with unwanted gifts and letters. They can often use this as means of blackmailing the victim after they've taken it. It is recommended that victims document and photograph these gifts and give them to the police as soon as they've recorded the materials.

Be sure to keep detailed records that clearly document points of contact with you. These materials will be necessary if you should happen to go to court. Accurate and detailed records will greatly help your case should any prosecution arise from the stalking.

All records should be copied and duplicates should be submitted to the authorities. Always keep your original documents stored in a safe place.

What Not To Do

There are often many recommendations for victims of stalking as to what they should and should not do. Unfortunately, many of the "should not" tips do the opposite. They incite the stalker or force the activity to escalate. So what should a victim do?

Myth: "Obtain a restraining order."

This will give the police documentation that you are experiencing trouble, but should never give you a false sense of security. It's a piece of paper. If your stalker is particularly aggressive, a piece of paper will not stop them from contacting you. If they are confrontational, a piece of paper will not stop a physical attack.

Myth: "Change your telephone number."

This is NOT recommended. The stalker will only become more aggressive if you do this and will try anything to get the new number.

Instead, get a new number and keep the old one. If possible, have the old number connected to an answering machine and the new number can go to your regular telephones. The stalker will still feel they are in contact with you and you won't have to answer calls or deal with it. Eventually, the calls will decrease.

Myth: "Move to a new house. Change jobs"

Either change should only be last resort. If you move, be certain you contact everyone, from your employer to the DMV and Voter records, demand they never release your telephone number or address. Be sure to eliminate your information from the search engines before you move. Type in your name and see what information comes up. Yahoo, Google have options available to remove your information from their listing.

Myth: "Talk to them. You might reason with them."

Do not talk with them. That is precisely what they want. They will not listen to reason. Many people make the mistake of believing they can somehow talk the stalker out of stalking. You will not. Stalking is a behavior that requires professional help to eliminate. Your stalker will hear the opposite of what you are saying. "Stop Talking to me,"to a stalker, this generally is taken as you want me to call again."

Myth: "Let your friends know."

This is true. Your stalker will depend on your humiliation. A Stalkker hopes that all the people around you will think you are "crazy."." It helps their mission. They may even tell their victim, "No one will believe you." Tell anyway. Tell your closest friends, family, and employer. They count on your remaining silent. After you have amassed proof, it will be difficult for them to roll their eyes at you.

Stalking doesn't have to be a silent suffering. You can be forthright and still keep your life relatively normal. If people don't believe you, don't berate yourself. You tried. Stand your ground and eventually the behavior will vanish.