Some behaviour is normal to you yet it may be slowing down their abilities to manifest what they want in life.



Denying your role

You maybe adding to the problem your children have in their daily life and not realizing that you are doing so, one way is when you are too controlling, over protecting, fixing and rescuing and managing their lives.

You have done this ever since they were babies and it is difficult for you to let go the role of protector.

Handicapping others around you

You may not have notice that the way you are going about dealing with your children is handicapping them from having the life they were intended to have.

You may mean well and your first thought is to protect your children except you may protect them to the point of crippling their growth because of your fear of them getting hurt or that you are losing your place of importance.

Your definition of love

Your definition of love is to protect them even when it is hurting yourself and the family because you may say to yourself that you cannot throw out your child into the streets even when they are abusing you because that does not show love for them.

How is the guilt working for you?

Do you feel guilty or is your children giving you guilt and you are buying into this, as a parent when you take the time and put you first or give to you before your children you may feel guilty and this may also be a part of what you felt when your parents put themselves first and you had difficulty with this way because you felt left out.

Lack of availability

Lacking in being available and compensating with your children by giving them all what they want is mainly to relieve the guilt in you for working most of the time or not taking the time to be with them because you are too tired.

Protect at all cost

If you feel that you have to protect your children at all cost even to the point of losing your home or your marriage to keep them in a place of enabling then you are doing a disservice to everyone.

Sabotaging your financial future

You as well as your children may be sabotaging your financial future by enabling your children but you may not want to see that until it is too late.

You may be afraid that your children will stop loving you and may also label you selfish because you stop the graving train and yet this is what you need to do to get hold of your life.

Fear of being judge

You as a parent may fear being judge by your family and friend because you have rules and your children complaints because they have chores and other responsibilities.

Too many rules

You stop allowing you children to manipulate you with words such as “I am too tired to do it, I work up late, stop getting on my back, and yes I promise to do it.”

Your children may say that you have too many rules and in fact this is what is needed to help you and your children break the pattern of dysfunction.

You and your children need to be accountable for your actions and stick to it even when they may disagree with it.

Conclusion: Enabling your dysfunctional to stay where they are at is a form of abuse because you are doing it out of your need to control and not the children need to grow up and become autonomous.