Many parents experience occasional angry flareups as you're raising your children. Some don't know how to control it. I'm praying you are one of the ones who do. If you will get truly honest, you'll see that behind your anger at your kids lies some doubt or fear that you've been dragging along. It's not their fault, and _you_ can fix it without frightening or hurting them.



In many therapies, there is a differentiation between what is the _trigger_ for a specific emotion and what is the _source_. I think that when it comes to raising kids, their behavior (or the lack of it) is the trigger, and our own doubt and fear is the actual source. Let's look at some situations that seemingly trigger angry outbursts from us to our children and let's work to discover what the underlying fears might be.

You become angry when your children don't obey you, or when they fall short of what you expect from them. You become frustrated. This is because you don't know enough about how to effectively manage their behavior. Pre-school teachers and grade school teachers have learned these skills and thus don't experience the anger you do. You would be helped if you took some parenting classes; read parenting books; join parenting groups.

Have you studied behavior management with your kids? Then you know their bad behavior must bear a consequence. It is most helpful if you will arrive at the decision you frequently arrive at currently after idle threats: you REALLY MEAN what you say. It is this determination that you mean what you say that communicates over to your child and they quickly learn not to avoid your wishes, wants and desires. Marry "meaning" to "consequences" and you'll be serving your child well.

As your days roll along, please consider if you are getting angry due to any of these reasons:

- You feel you have no freedom in your life because you have children

- You feel financially drained with the kids needs, but you're in a frustrating job that traps you

- You're physically drained because your parental duties make for long days

- You have a sense of "I don't want to deal with it now"

- Your kids whine to get your attention

- Your children pull at your clothing when you don't listen to them

- Your kids fight among themselves

You must seek help to find a way to deal with these things. A therapist might be just the ticket. You might value the advice of your parents. Perhaps a minister could help. Whatever it is, don't allow your anger over these things to continuously spill over at your children. You need professional, or at a minimum, mature help to find a better way if you identified with any of the items on the above list. Listen to music away from the kids. Take some deep breaths. Call a friend. Go back fresh and reconnect with your kid. Don't let the anger get between you. Loving, sensitive communication is what your kids deserve - you do as well.