Tanning Beds have never been a favorite topic of mine because of the skin damage they can do. Today is different because I was alerted by our condo office crew that there was going to be a brand new Tanning Bed installed in the clubhouse. There are usually people lined up every night to submit their skin to the auspices of "Fake Baking". I could see the smiles on everyone's face knowing that this tanning bed was going to give them the ultimate tan.



So when I checked out the Brand spanking new tanning bed (basically so I could say I got to see it) I noticed a brand new sign to go along with it. I tried hard to look away but my eyes were stuck. In the process of my brain soaking in all the words on the "Rules for Tanning Bed use" you could hear a an extreme sucking sound...it's not a pretty sound. The Rules were there in Black and White and I read every line. I started feeling authorized to be able to tan. It must have been my imagination but I felt a tan coming over me the more I read...no... still white as a diaper.

There it was, rule number 10: Manufacturer recommends no one over 300 lbs use this unit. I read it in black and white: If you're fat you can't use this machine. Where is the National Association for the Acceptance of Fat? I'm surprised they're not picking outside the headquarters of the manufacturer and calling all fat people to ban tanning as a national past time.

Airlines get hammered because they want their passengers to feel comfortable without having to push overflowing fat off of their arm rest. Car companies get sued because people are too fat to drive their own cars and they have accidents. You know restaurants are being banned for making their food taste too good. So why isn't the tanning bed company being sued for placing weight restrictions on occupant use. I demand congress hold a special session to find the culprits in this mess now that they've put this whole "steroids in baseball" thing to rest.

Maybe I'm over thinking this, maybe I don't realize that fat people don't use tanning beds, maybe, just maybe we'll find out just like congress did that no one really gives a crap, who tans and who doesn't tan and how much that "Tan" Bunny weighs.