The sky filled with smoke blackening the horizon and darkening all the light of day, stopping all people from seeing the reality of their existence. It was like a computer virus, once let loose, it was given the power to infect all programs in the computers hard drive. It was a corrupting force perpetrating the consciousness of men and filling it with useless thinking that leads them to live their lives for themselves without thinking of anyone else.



I stood in shocked silence wondering why the world had to be this way. Why were people walking about living their lives as if what they did made no difference at all? Why was the darkness surrounding them so thick, they couldn't see the mistakes they were making?

Proverbs 8: 1-5, "Listen! Wisdom is calling out. Reason is making herself heard. On the hilltops near the road and at the entrance to the city, beside the gates, she calls: 'I appeal to you, mankind; I call to everyone on earth. Are you immature? Learn to be mature. Are you foolish? Learn to have sense.'"

As a young child I was taught about God, because my mother had faith. I didn't understand this knowledge, but as I grew and became a woman, I understood my need for God in my own life. My need for God was evident, especially when I faced trials of all different kinds, testing that brought me face to face with hard questions that demanded answers to why.

Why was a boy deformed before he was ever born? Why was my friend's brother's arm cut off in a machine accident or why were there wars and injustices of all kinds? I didn't understand yet my mind desired the knowledge that would unlock the secrets to why.

Going to church and Sunday School taught me about miracles through the stories of hero's like Samson, David, and Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. It taught me about the supernatural power of God and how He would help people do impossible things because they placed their faith in Him.

I learned about God through reading my Bible and talking to Him by praying. I developed a personal relationship with God. A faith in the unseen because I found life hard to understand.

Proverbs 8: 11&12, "I am Wisdom, I am better than jewels; nothing you want can compare with me. I am Wisdom, and I have insight; I have knowledge and sound judgment."

My parents were poor and I didn't have the money to go to college. I married young only to find out after twelve years of marriage and three children that I married the wrong person. After my marriage ended, I lived with a woman for seventeen years only to have her run off with another woman. Everything about my life made no sense even though my faith in God increased through every trial I experienced.

Why do bad things happen to people? Why does the church condemn gay people? How is it when I am experiencing the difficulties of my own life, I feel rejected and abandoned and all on my own?

The Holy Spirit compelled me to look for the answers to my questions. The Spirit pushed me to part the darkness of clouds that surrounded my life and to reach for the light. The light was Jesus and His ability to teach me wisdom in a world of darkness. A wisdom that could only be gained by going through the difficulties of life.

I had to start my life over three different times and I can testify that I am still not content to lead the life I am in now. I long to understand why following God means that I must go through hard things in order to be challenged to learn. What is the point of living when I don't seem to ever win?

Proverbs 8:13, "To honor the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil ways and false words."

As I traveled the path of my life a glimmer of understanding began to arise as to why God made me gay when it would turn my whole religious family against me. My gayness opened my eyes to humility. It took away my pride of life because I no longer fit the mold of the Christian world. It opened me up to how people can condemn you and ruin your reputation. It revealed to me how evil can hurt a good person's life.

My gayness parted the darkness for me, but engulfed my family and church. It opened my eyes to the purpose behind darkness. Darkness was a cloud hanging over each persons life keeping them from seeing what they were doing wrong until God brings them to the light of a new way of understanding. God has a timing for everything and in His time He will reveal His sons. For God reveals Himself in Love.

Darkness was created by the evil ruler of this world. Satan uses darkness to keep people from seeing what they are doing wrong. This is the reason why there are wars. This is the reason why our world is corrupted in the legal systems and why some people are wrongly convicted of crimes. This is the reason why ten percent of all prisoners are innocent. And this is the reason why the church is blind when they condemn gay people.

God made people different in order to fight against Satan's world of chaos. Satan deforms people and takes arms in order to make them question why they have to live life this way. God takes their weaknesses and opens them up to truth by showing them corrupt medical establishments and how insurance won't cover preexisting conditions like deformities. God brings people to understanding as to why some medical and insurance companies are wrong, so they will fight to get them to do what is right.

When we look at the world as a game then we understand that we are all players. Players whose greatest goal is to unlock evil and to reveal truth. A wisdom that will change us into compassionate and more loving people. A player that is not just thinking of himself, but has been challenged to expose what is wrong in the world.

Proverbs 8: 32-36, "Now, young men, listen to me. Do as I say, and you will be happy. Listen to what you are taught. Be wise; do not neglect it. The man who listens to me will be happy- the man who stays at my door every day, waiting at the entrance to my home. The man who finds me finds life and the Lord will be pleased with him. The man who does not find me hurts himself; anyone who hates me loves death."

The darkness evaporated from the clear blue sky teaching me that all good things come from God. God allowed darkness in order to teach us the difference between right and wrong. Our world is filled with so much darkness because we must find the truth through the challenges we face in life. Testings that can only be passed through the knowledge of having Jesus Christ in our lives.