Most children begin to become aware of competing with others somewhere around 5 to 6 years of age.
Not only is your 5 year old exploring her self awareness in relation to others, she is also operating from beliefs she's developed about who she is and how to get attention and power.
Some of these beliefs she's learned from the adults around her. Some she has learned from experiencing other children and what has worked for her to get her needs met.
As always, it falls to adults to look at our part in this:
- Have we modeled competitive behavior?
- Is there competition among other family members for attention?
- Are there any family members competing for her attention?
She's had five years to watch and learn from the adults. It doesn't take much for a bright 5 year-old to figure out what works to get noticed and to receive attention.
The trick is to help her explore her approach and to temper it with some training.
At a neutral time initiate a chat about competition. Discuss what it is, how it looks and that sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. Share a time you were competitive around her and how it felt for you.
Talk about what you are doing to deal with your own competitiveness. Maybe she'll join in that first chat.
If not, keep bringing up the matter over time in a friendly caring way. Eventually the conversation will come around to her.
Your goal here is to share in the ways of friendship.
If you find yourself pushing your agenda or beginning to lecture, catch yourself and back off. Stop on a high note, leaving her rewarded by the nurturing attention and wanting more contact with you.
When you're together identify when you are competing, or the inherent competition in the experience. Show her the difference between healthy normal competition and the mistaken version designed to capture attention and worth.
Create real competition making certain that she wins some and loses some.
Create a safe place for her to express her feelings while you patiently reinforce your love and affection for her as something not related to competition of any kind.
The message she needs to hear is that she is worthy of love and attention.
Try the unexpected and give her a hug when you see her competing for attention or power. Redirect her behavior to one that contributes to the activity. What can she be in charge of?
Schedule special time with just her, and stick to your time each week. 1 hour is what you're after here. Take turns deciding on what you'll do. Ask her at the moment what she needs right now. It's a great opportunity for each family member to ask for what she or he needs.
Acknowledge and compliment her efforts to learn how to be in a group, in a game, in the world. Take mistakes as opportunities to explore other ways of handling things.
Your five year old is doing her job by learning to find her way in the world. Help her all you can with understanding and humor.
Caring For Your Baby And Young Child
With the busy lives that families lead today, it’s hard enough to find time to enjoy dinner together or spend even the simplest weekend as a family. Not only do both parents work, but young children find themselves over-scheduled to the point of exhaustion. Little kid’s days are spent running from preschool or play groups to several extra curricular activities that in previous decades didn’t become a regular activity until elementary school.
Daily scheduled activities that require little kids to be taxied from one place to another with little time to stop and eat can create what is known as an over-programmed child. Yes, play groups and lessons can be fun and the children make friends and learn new things, but left unchecked, over-programming a child can actually slow down their emotional development.
Are you over-programming your young child by scheduling too many activities for them? Are you taking them to too many lessons and group activities because you think they enjoy them or because you think it’s helpful for them and that’s what good parents do? Dr. David Elkind, author of ‘The Hurried Child’ feels that early pushing of children has no known beneficial effects on a child’s future school performance, and may in fact produce adverse psychological attitudes toward learning.
What are some signs that your child may be experiencing over-programming and what can be done to remedy the problem?
First of all, look for the obvious sign of unwillingness to attend activities that your child may have previously enjoyed. Secondly, is your little boy or girl getting enough sleep and are they grumpy upon waking? Another tell-tale sign of over-programming in little kids is if your child exhibits behavior problems such as frequent temper tantrums when they used to be an easy going kid?
Often, parents are so over-extended time wise themselves that they fail to see the obvious warning signs that their child may be doing too much. Unfortunately, many times the schedules become ingrained in the family plan, making it harder for parents to implement much needed changes.
For your young child’s sake, however, if you see any of the warning signs of over-programming, the first step toward fixing the problem is admitting that there is one and that changes must happen. Sit down with your family and take a long look at which activities to stick with and which ones to end. If your child is very young and not enjoying the event anyway, they’ll be less reluctant to give it up. Decide which extra curricular they truly enjoy, which is their favorite, and keep that one.
Young children who become over-programmed need more family time, time to just play and be little kids. They’ll benefit greatly from learning to think for themselves rather than be told what to do and when to do it at every turn, and you’ll create bonds by increasing special family time.
Both Tulum Dothee & Sfrewerd are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Tulum Dothee has sinced written about articles on various topics from Parenting, Beauty Tips and Parenting. And now I would like offer you free access to my online parenting newsletter, Mindful Parenting Tips: Discover proven techniques to become. Tulum Dothee's top article generates over 6600 views. to your Favourites.
Sfrewerd has sinced written about articles on various topics from Parenting, Family and Culture. Learn more about toddler behavior and find fun toddler play and learning activities at ‘Family Play and Learn’ http://familyplayandlearn.com and ‘Toddler Learning Activities’ http://toddlerlearningactivities.blogspot.com. Sfrewerd's top article generates over 9900 views. to your Favourites.
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