No other area of a couple's life offers more potential for embarrassment, hurt, and rejection than sex. No wonder couples find it such a challenge to communicate about the topic clearly. Often they "vague out," making it difficult to decipher what they're actually trying to tell each other. Here's a classic example from a couple we taped in our lab: she: Think about your feelings two and a half and three years ago, and how we dealt with the problem and how we felt.



Although this may sound harsh, remember that one of the basic tasks of a marriage is to establish a sense of "we-ness" between husband and wife.This is not a pleasant position to take. His mother's feelings may be hurt. He is a husband first, then a son The only way out of this dilemma is for the husband to sidewith his wife against his mother.So the husband must let his mother know that his wife does indeed come first. His house is his and his wife's house, not his mother's.

But eventually she will probably adjust to the reality that her son's family unit, where he is the husband, takes precedence to him over all others. It is absolutely important for the marriage that the husband be firm about thisThis is not to suggest that a man do anything that he feels demeans and dishonors his parents or goes against his basic values. But he has to stand with his wife and not in the middle. He should not compromise who he is.

An important part of putting your spouse first and building this sense of solidarity is not to tolerate any contempt toward your spouse from your parents.Think of your relationship with various members of your spouse's family. If you feel that your spouse isn't necessarily on your side in any of these relationships or that there are ongoing issues with a particular family member, you can consult a shrink Often such disputes are evidence of a perpetual issue, since money is symbolic of many emotional needs--such as for security and power--and goes to the core of our individual value system.Now try to create a budget that allows you to manage everyday finances and other "essentials" based on your means.Whether their bank account is teeming or they're just scrimping by, many couples confront significant money conflicts.

She wants his reassurance.He thinks the problem still exists, but he avoids telling her that directly So often when a husband and wife talk to each other about their sexual needs, their conversations are like this--indirect, imprecise, inconclusive. Frequently both partners are in a hurry to end the conversation, hopeful that they will miraculously understand each other's desires without much talk.