We had our little duty to perform on Christmas Eve and that was the midnight service at church. Other than that we were free to imagine all the possibilities under the tree.





I came from a poor family where we fought each other and the dog for table scraps. But when it came to Christmas, Santa came through. We did without throughout the year, but mother stepped up to the plate and outdid herself at Christmas. We were not often disappointed, except for one thing that has left me scarred for life - I DID NOT GET MY LIONEL ELECTRIC TRAIN SET. I grew up dysfunctional and disillusioned because of that. That's my story and I'm stick'n to it.



Of course for most of us it is both a stressful time and a special and delightful time. As I grew up and moved farther away from my family, Christmas time became a time of anger, I became hypocritical of others and often made sarcastic remarks about them or the season. I was projecting my resentment onto others (mostly because I didn't get my Lionel Electric Train Set) and embittered, I turned away from Christmas.



Later I started celebrating it alone but only for the ceremony and the presents. The big thing was to find the present I could get for myself, I was always good to myself at Christmas. I decided to start shopping early and found that in doing so I was not as angry as when I shopped on the 24th. Christmas for me as with others was basically a one day event that sometimes extended to New Years and was a time away from work. Even under a flag of truss, I believe that there would be bodies if the family ever found themselves within arms reach of each other. A time of peace - I don't think so!



As a celebration of peace, Christmas left me cold. It is not possible to feel peace for one day when your heart and mind is not at peace. It seemed hypocritical for me to push aside the negative feelings I had about the people who were being hypocritical this time of year. So I decided to make some personal changes.

I now celebrate Christmas (the spirit of Christmas) 365 days a year. I am good to myself most of the time and often share it with others when the opportunity comes up. Although I still have my moments, I allow them and then refocus. I have many years of negativity that sometimes get in the way; however, awareness has found ways for me to deal with them. I am at peace most of the time, and even when I'm not, I don't criticize myself, I celebrate the peace that will come.



Today, I still don't celebrate Christmas, but I find a lot of joy watching others as they prepare for the season. They are constant reminders of what I love about myself and some of the things that I would like to change.

Christmas is not so much a time of peace, but a demonstration of what peace could be like. It is certainly something that we can aspire to by incorporating peace in our lives every day.

You will find me having breakfast Christmas morning at Denny's along with several others who are relaxed and have peace written all over their faces.