To show or not to show? To share or not to share? After deliberating, it was a no brainer for me to show other women (and men), just SOME of what I have been through. Yes, a picture tells a thousand words. But why did it happen? What did "I" do to cause it? Was there any domestic violence prevention that could have been done? Why did he do this? Many women ask these same questions.
Sometimes there are absolutely NO "logical" reasons why things happen. Sometimes there are logical reasons. But none of them make us physically, emotionally, or mentally feel any better after they happen.
Was this the only time? Well, I would love to tell you it was. But that wouldn't be the truth. And the truth is why we are all here, right? To find the truth and seek our own solutions to get out.
Were there red flags? In reflection, "Heck, yes!"
He was so nice at first. A gentleman, seriously. Then we moved in together. BIG mistake. By then, financially, times were difficult. A few months after we moved in, I was laid off from my job. The man who hired me kept me employed until his wife came back from pregnancy leave, then he let me go and she took over my position. He never mentioned his plan to only keep me until she returned.
The strain financially did not make my boyfriend happy. We started getting into disagreements. Then one night the yelling started. So I went into the bathroom and packed a bag to go and stay at my girlfriend's house. Ahhh, THAT is when it started. He threw me across the bathroom and I hit my head on the sink and fell between the toilet and the sink to the floor. I remember staring at my legs and arms. They were not comfortable in the contorted position in which they landed. But I was in shock mostly that he so effortlessly pushed my chest and I literally flew across the bathroom.
Instead of hearing "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that!", I heard, "You're not f@#$ing going anywhere!" Obviously, I stayed home.
Please see Domestic Violence Story Chapter 2
Coalition Against Domestic Violence
5 police cars, 10 policemen. Searched the vicinity, never found him. When they left, he showed up. He looked at me and started screaming, "Who the hell did this to you!?" I only had one eye to look at him with and disgustingly looked at him while all my friends were there and said, "You did."
He didn't believe it. He said he went into a "blackout." Well, my opinion of whether or not alcoholics actually do go into "blackouts" is neither here nor there. But something happened that was never fully understandable, that's for certain.
What happened to him? Well, this was a while ago, and California didn't impose strict standards on domestic violence abuse the way they do today. That's too bad, isn't it?
He got 30 days of picking up garbage on the side of the road. BUT, since he had a doctor's note saying he had a bad back from a car accident, he actually only wound up doing 15 days doing desk duty. He would leave early because the woman running the program said he was a hard worker.
Trying to get a job (remember, I had been laid off) looking beat up was impossible. I didn't even leave the house for two weeks, and he shut off the phone so I didn't have anyway to even make phone calls to get a job.
There's more to the story, but this gives you an idea as to how quickly domestic violence can happen. Or was it quickly?
If you see red flags, get out now while you can. My story doesn't get happy, and things didn't get much better, not for quite a while.
I'll tell you more about my life again soon, but please don't repeat my mistakes. Because you will end up with a very difficult, unhappy, low self esteem, codependent life like I have lived for far too long.
Trust me, You DO Deserve Better!
God Bless,
Adrienne
P.S. - These pictures were taken 2 weeks after the initial incident. I can tell you this, makeup doesn't hide these injuries. I went to the supermarket because I had no food, so I tried to look decent. I had two people come up to me and ask to take me to the emergency room and wanted to know who just did this to me. When I told them it happened two weeks ago, they didn't believe me.
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