As the boss concentrating on reaching your department's goals it can be easy to fall into the trap of focusing on how other people need to change in order to reach those goals.



Is there someone with whom you need to communicate regularly but who always leaves you thinking you just haven't got through or made a difference? They just don't seem to understand; their body language and attitude are all wrong; they attempt to appease you by saying yes and no in the right places but then fail to take action or change the situation. Or perhaps they argue with you; or back off and go quiet; or blame someone else. And the same thing happens each time. It's a pattern.

Throughout these exchanges you're thinking:

* He's got to change

* Why isn't she listening to me?

* Why doesn't he ever seem to understand?

* Her attitude is really getting through to me

* Why can't he see the big picture I'm describing?

* Why doesn't she take action about this situation?

If you identify with this scenario and are now waiting for me to tell you how to change other people, I'm afraid you're in for somewhat of a disappointment.

What I'm actually going to do is get you to look at your own contribution to this pattern.

Ask yourself:

* In what ways do I react every time with this person?

* How does the interaction start?

* Then what happens?

* Then what happens?

Continue asking this last question until you have worked out the complete pattern that occurs when you try to communicate with this individual.

Work out and recognise the parts you are playing which contribute towards and maintain the pattern.

Then ask yourself:

* How could I break this pattern?

* What could I do differently?

* If I put myself in their position for a moment, what is causing their reaction?

* What is the best way to approach this person to change the reaction I normally get from them?

* How does this person need me to react in order for them to behave differently?

The quote at the top of this article is worth repeating. It can be a very powerful idea if you take it on board:

'The person with the most flexibility in thinking and behaviour has the most influence on any interaction.'