How does parental conflict affect children: NO is about boundaries and identification.

Exactly what issues need to be addressed? Do you have one specific issue in mind? Usually the vast majority of us need to become a lot clearer about what we are trying to achieve. This is true for all and everything, from what is useful to avoiding tricky and unpleasant emotions. The puzzle is to know how to reach clarity and then to find the solutions to whatever problems we have to deal with. The 7 Words System offers a unpretentious intuitive procedure that makes it possible for us to get hold of a greatly improved knowledge of what precisely we are looking for. The process starts with the word No. First and foremost we will need to describe faithfully what it is that actually we don't want, what is not useful, before we can know what we do want.

How does parental conflict affect children: HELLO is about openness and exchange.

What can you learn from others? Are you ready to make changes in your situation and way of doing things? The next stage concerns the word Hello. We need to make ourselves open to new things if we have a desire to expand our array of answers to the many difficulties that often arise for us. You agree? To get something new we will need to extend our sphere of awareness and look where we have not previously looked earlier. Original ideas, new contacts , new situations and new things are all facets of giving a degree of awareness to something we have not previously been subjected to. So we will have to at some point switch old for new, that we have something to offer in adequate return for what we want to acquire.

How does parental conflict affect children: THANK YOU is about appreciating and valuing.

Always there is good to be found in the qualities of a person. How well are you expressing your appreciation? Among all existing options, some are more attractive than others and we give them a higher merit, because we appreciate them more. This is explained by the primary word Thanks. Time and again, we disregard the meaning of what we have, slip into thanklessness and are likely to assume what should not be assumed. It's more than just courteousness to demonstrate our appreciation for things we attach importance to; it has a major consequence in helping us to achieve our ambitions. Unconsciously, we are attracted to what we pronounce our thanks for, and yet it's equally accurate to say that we can to draw them to us too. We increase charisma when we say Thanks and therefore, if we do so, we readily bring things to come to us.

How does parental conflict affect children: GOODBYE is about realization, decision, completion, and moving on.

Whichever way you go, from now on life has changed and will be forever different. Goodbye is one of the seven primary words and concerns a course of development that has four stages. They are: realization, decision, completion and moving on. Goodbye is being said to a possible stage of change, which can be seen in simple terms as total refutation of a workable path of action that we had been progressing towards and in future will not follow. It is a crossroad point in our choice of potential futures. Goodbye is different from No in that it means that we have had some level of connection already, which now needs to end contrasted with No's repudiation in the first place. Authentic decisions cut the past away unconditionally and that sharpness produces an opening of a doorway that otherwise does not show itself. .

How does parental conflict affect children: PLEASE is about intention and cooperation.

How do you cooperate to find harmony? You do have a vision of a successful resolution? The future reveals itself according to the customs of what has gone before unless we take control of it and bend it to our aspirations. This compels us to have a vision of how we want it to be; this vision has to be very clear, exact and positive transformed into intention. They differ don't they - vision and intention? The first is fairly illusory and the second is much more directed and controlled. For a vision to become real there must be cooperation. Nothing can be made possible without securing the support of others - this takes expertise, possibly arguments, even inspiration. It is not always compulsory to tender something such as money or money's worth.

How does parental conflict affect children: SORRY is about responsibility, remorse, repair and release.

Do you need to take responsibility and feel genuine remorse for your part in any conflicts and tensions that exist? Sorry, the sixth word, is best seen as repairing harm done because we've been thoughtless or heedless to the needs or wants of someone else. The best idea is to make sure we preclude the need to say it by being considerate earlier. For what reason? Well it's because anyone we upset may well act against our better purposes and lessen our odds of accomplishing what we intend, so it is simply more sensible to think about others as well as ourselves. It is all about being responsible, having some feelings towards someone whom we've upset and making compensation when we've gone astray . Only then is it feasible to prevent or patch up offense and release the enduring unpleasantness that otherwise would develop and be a source of bitterness.

How does parental conflict affect children: YES is about accepting and surrender.

Not every path is workable, that's the whole point of our being creative individuals...are you truly trying to find a way that works for all concerned? The closing phase of our 7 Words technique relates with acceptance; there are times when we simply have to accept what we cannot change. The word is Yes. It would be nice wouldn't it if we were able to make the world exactly the way we envision it - but in actual reality we can't. We always need to suffer what comes, and to take what is not exactly what we asked for. The best secret is to have conviction that everything in time turns around to our advantage, that the modifications to our plans are all improvements when seen in the perspective of the longer term. Definitely it's not easy to see it when we are still close and attached to our desires of course not! In spite of that hold your horses and you'll see that the surprising events, the surprises and disappointments are actually the best bits disguised as trouble.

© James Burgess 2008