Divorce brings with it unnumerable changes. All of those can feel overwhelming while you're in the middle of it all. Despair is one of the most common reactions people have to so much being thrown at them at once. But once the most immediate changes have settled down a little, it's dangerous to continue to hold on to that despair. It's time to deal with life in a different way and move forward.



Let's focus on why these thoughts of despair don't help soothe a wounded spirit, but instead cause you to you to use poor judgement at a time when you need to be making a lot of important decisions.

You aren't able to be there emotionally for your children.

If you're in the depths of your own sadness over your own losses, that leaves little room for you to help your children adjust to their own sadness over their own losses. Your kids need you. They need to know you will be there to hold them when they cry. You may wonder if it's ok for you to cry with them? Sure it is. But you have to be able to distance yourself from your own thoughts of pain to tune into theirs.

You don't handle your daily responsibilities.

When despair lingers, it turns into that nasty little thing called depression. Most depressed people experience such things as sleep problems, irritability and a lack of desire to do anything. All of those create a recipe for disaster with daily living. You may find yourself not paying bills on time, taking off of work to lie around sleeping or crying or just vegging out watching hours and hours of TV. This is a slippery slope that's leads to a pit that's very hard to climb out of.

You can find yourself in a worse relationship than your marriage was.

If the sadness causes you to seek out comfort from any source, you won't be as discerning as you might generally be, leading to a potentially unhealthy relationship. This will cause more headache and problems for you rather than comfort. When you're still grieving the loss of your marriage, you are in NO shape to be in another relationship. Think about how your kids will feel about a new person being put in their lives while they're still trying to deal with the loss of their original family.

These warning signs need to be paid attention to. You need to examine closely where you are right now. Is it a good place or are you sliding down? Do you have a right to feel overwhelmed and sad? Sure you do! But once it becomes a haibt and affects those around you, you need to recognize it's time to move forward.