It's really important to learn to accept this loneliness rather than just slap the band-aid of a new relationship over it. If your goal is to remarry well, you need to be beyond this intense loneliness phase and in a relationship because you chose to be in order to enhance your life rather than fulfill it.



Today, let's focus on the best ways to get beyond that loneliness. Doing this well help you feel more in control over the choice to be in a future relationship because you want to be rather than because you don't want to be alone.

1. Find support

One of the best recommendations I can make to people who are newly divorced is to join a divorce group. A great one is DivorceCare. These groups allow you the opportunity to learn that you are not alone and to understand that your feelings are normal. Another good support is your friends. They love you and want to be there for you. Now is NOT the time to withdraw and shut them out.

2. Make new friends who identify you as single, rather than _____'s ex-spouse

You want to surround yourself with people who like you for who you are. I'm not suggesting dropping all of your old friends. Just be careful to not discuss your ex with those old friends. It might be tempting to gossip about him/her and hear how they are doing. The problem with that is that it holds you back. Your focus in NOT on your current life or your future; it's still on your past.

3. Plan fun activities when the kids are away

Don't sit around in mourning when your children have their parenting time with your ex-spouse. Adjusting to this new time schedule can be difficult. Try to see things with a more positive perspective. Your kids get to have one on one time with their other parent. You get to have time just for yourself. That isn't a time you have to be in the mommy or daddy role. You get to just be you. So use it well. Pamper yourself. Don't use that time to cram all of the chores that didn't get done. Yes, there are things that have to get done, but don't just focus on those.

4. Pursue new hobbies

What are those things you've always wished you had time to do? What are those activities you've always thought would be fun to do? How can you begin to budget your time and finances to try some new things?

The key is to learn to like who you are; to be comfortable with your new life. Then, and only then are able to find a healthy relationship that's not just a replacement for the spouse you no longer have. That new person becomes a healthy addition rather than a desperate time filler. If your goal is to achieve a remarriage success, then the process begins with you personally, before a new relationship ever occurs.