Forget everything you've ever been told about Graphic Design



There are some hard and fast things that graphic designers will insist are to be obeyed. Only use limited fonts on a design for example or never use green on a magazine or book cover as people will not buy it. Stuff and nonsense. You can pretty much do whatever you like but you must apply these STRICT GRAPHIC DESIGN RULES and you will soon be walking away with graphic design silverware.

Somewhere on the page you MUST put in a subliminal message

This can be done in a multitude of ways for example if you are producing a brochure selling wellington boots then start every paragraph spelling out 'buy our wellington boots' or better still 'you have no choice but to buy our wellington boots now get out your cheque book and buy them - NOW!' Another crafty method is to doctor images in photoshop so that on an innocent picture of a tree for example carved into the bark is a message along the lines of 'U Luv Wellington boots' You get the idea. just make sure it's hidden away on a subliminal level and watch your sales go through the roof, quite literally

You MUST include a picture of a pretty girl smiling on your document or webpage

This works for 95% of products. Put simply would you rather read and look at pictures of industrial machinery or would you rather look at a pretty girl? It's a no brainer right? Research has proven that mens brains are wired up to focus on girls smiles and of course their breasts and backsides. If you can somehow convince your client to put a naked girl on there somewhere you can pretty much laugh yourself down to the bank. However, never ever put a muscle bound hunk on any design thinking it will work conversely for womens products. Research has shown that womens brains are only wired to think of shopping for clothes and chocolate, so putting a bare chested chippendale on the cover is going to see your business go down the dumper. Unless your product is for homosexual merchandise in which case go ahead.

Shock and Awe - the guaranteed way to get your design work noticed and talked about

Perhaps the best example of this trick can be found widely used in the modern art world. Sharks in formaldahyde, unmade beds and plastic dolls melted together to sodomise each other. All these pieces of art have been much talked about and whether you find them to your taste or not are widely percieved as being breath takingly original. The same principal can and should be applied to your graphic design work or website design. Add a blood splattered severed willy in the centre of the page for example or how about using an excrement smear as a backdrop. Remember the important thing is to get people talking about your design work. Bad taste soon becomes acceptable once commonplace so be the first to do something outrageous and reap the rewards.

If you remember to apply at least one or two and ideally all 3 of these golden graphic design rules there's no reason why you shouldn't be a millionaire/billionaire within one or two months. Now get creative!