My parents were never the ?happy couple.? Most of the time, they were loaded with a pathetic sense of disillusionment with each other. The communication between them oscillated between the two extremes of outright withdrawal and nasty fighting contests. Somehow I managed to ignore the usual yelling and swearing of my insensitive parents and mostly confined myself to concentrating on my academic pursuits. Being an average learner, I was often the target of unbearable criticism let loose by my impatient mother.



Never a day passed when I was not reminded of how dumb and stupid I was. In fact, my sad mother openly held me responsible for the problems between her and my father. She vociferously declared that she was tolerating the good-for-nothing father of mine because of me only.

This was what my usual family life consisted of. Still, the good thing was that somehow my parents managed to stay together, bound by an invisible thread of mutual hatred. Somehow, I had the semblance of a normal family life and the tenuous confidence of living in a place that I could call my home.

Then, the things began to change. The whole atmosphere at home reeked of decay and one could literally smell the carcass of a festering and decaying relationship that was to ultimately culminate in a divorce.

One day, my hapless father packed his stuff and moved out. My underlying fears of an impending parental divorce were confirmed with an underlying sense of shock and dismay. One part of my existence strongly held that it was just a lie while the sense of reason within me strongly confirmed that what I was afraid of has ultimately happened. Though my father was certainly not the perfect of parents, yet he was a good provider. The feeling of being abandoned by him gave me sleepless nights. I genuinely feared that soon my mother will also abandon me, leaving me in the middle of nowhere.

The bitterly contested divorce suit dragged on for months. Though the attitude of my mother was getting lousier, still her low energy and high stress levels provided me with the much needed respite from the usual verbal crap. Deep down, I felt that my average academic performance was the main reason for my parents not getting along with each other.

I dedicated myself to my studies with a more then ever firm resolve and commitment. I was sure that once I manage to score good grades, everything will be alright. I made it a point to act nice towards my mother and to bear with her irritability with an understanding smile. I hoped against hope that soon the things will fall in line and my father will return.

My cherished hopes landed up in a quagmire of frustration and remorse. The divorce between my parents was finalized and I was to stay with my mother. The vitriolic verbal eruptions of my mother became even worse. Being the only child, she often told me how useless and imperfect a person my father was.

I decided that my childhood days were over and I must act responsible and mature to take care of my mother. However this self adopted veneer of maturity often degenerated into fits of rage and insecurity, resulting in heated arguments with my mother.

As soon as the separation occurred, I became a totally different person. I became more isolated and reserved and started withdrawing from my friends and relatives. My academic performance started to deteriorate and the constrained financial situation at home made me reckless and tense. I tagged myself with a new crowd of friends and soon took to smoking, drugs and alcohol.

My relationship with my mother was becoming mutually abusive and one day her fragile tolerance for me gave up when she found drugs and condoms under my mattress. She stopped caring for me anymore and this aggravated my depression and emotional instability. I was expelled from my school because of my problems with drugs and landed up in a school for problem children.

The tragedy that was initiated by the divorce of my parents stayed with me forever and now I am sure that I will never be able to forge a lasting and genuine relationship with anybody.