Free dating sites always sound too good to be true. "Find your perfect match!" they claim, and that would be perfect if everybody who filled out the form was perfectly honest. But we face those troublesome questions, such as "Do you smoke?" Whenever they say there's no right or wrong answer, we know there's a right or wrong answer. What if Ms. Perfect-For-Me is a non-smoker, and I'll never connect with her if I check the wrong box? So one time I lied about being a smoker, instead of putting down "Give me a woman who smokes a corncob pipe." It was a white lie and, besides, I could get through one date without smoking. That's easy.

Before my first date with Jeanette - drinks after work - I had to stop by my health club to take a shower and change my clothes, which is something I never do in the middle of the day. But I couldn't smell like tobacco, could I? This was after I had to clean and fumigate my apartment, making it smell more like the perfume counter at a department store than a grown man's sanctuary. I didn't expect to get lucky on the first date, but a good boy scout has to be prepared. So I hid my smokes in the laundry hamper and banished all the odors that might give me away.

I didn't expect Jeanette to be so beautiful, and drinks and dinner went by in a blur with both of us talking a-mile-a-minute. I felt like I had known her all my life, but I was already feeling guilty for wanting her and a cigarette. We decided to go to a jazz club after dinner, driving separately, so I carefully snuck in a cigarette along the way, plus mouthwash and aftershave. I was a little surprised when we arrived simultaneously at the bar, because I thought she would get there way ahead of me. The jazz club permitted smoking, but Jeanette didn't seem bothered by it. I was cool too, getting a whiff every now and then. By the time we left, we had already made plans for a longer date on Saturday. Except for being dishonest about who I was, things were going great!

So my secret life began. I discovered that the spray mouthwashes worked best for me, because they covered more area. I had thought about growing a moustache, but I had to put that off because I didn't want my facial hair to catch the scent. For the first time in my life, I used hair gel. I did laundry constantly, because I had to carry a spare set of clothes. People thought I was working out all the time, because I always had a gym bag in my hand. "No, I'm just dating a non-smoker," I wanted to tell them. Feeling deprived, I smoked like a fiend when I was away from her, and my friends avoided me - so I wouldn't bum their smokes. It was all very Jekyll and Hyde - a duel life - and I felt like I was back in high school.

True, we never actually talked about smoking. It wasn't forbidden - it's just that we didn't talk about it. I often thought about blurting out the truth, but I knew Jeanette was the woman for me. I couldn't disappoint her and let her know that I was a closet smoker, and that's what I had become, a mere shell of my formerly truthful self. Not only had I lied to her, I had lied to the free dating sites, and I lived in dread of my secret getting out. Often I told myself I had already quit smoking, even as I was planning my next getaway to the back porch. Oh well, it was worth it for Jeanette. She always smelled so great.

Then Jeanette and I discovered we had mutual friends. After months of staring into each other's eyes and ignoring the rest of the world, this should have been good news. We'd have other people to go out with, other shared interests, and we could show our happiness to the world. Let the book club and the motorcycle club collide. But Jeanette acted just as horrified as I felt, and we agreed to be selfish and keep our romance to ourselves. I was relieved, because my crowd was a bunch of partiers, and her crowd was not, or so I imagined. Still we couldn't avoid a certain graduation ceremony entirely, and we agreed to go separately and meet at the campus.

In the outdoor setting, I got ample opportunity to sneak a cigarette and hobnob with old friends, but I was always glancing over my shoulder, worried that Jeanette might catch me. During the graduation speeches, my love and I connected by cell phone and decided to meet near the entrance, with a possible escape in mind. Jeanette got there ahead of me and was pacing nervously when I reached her. Before I could say anything, a pretty girl in a short skirt bolted up behind her.

"Jeanette!" she cried happily. "I'm so stressed. Please bum me a cigarette!"

Jeanette laughed nervously and glanced at me. "What makes you think I would have a cigarette? I don't smoke."

The girl pointed to Jeanette's cute beaded purse. "Yes, you had cigarettes in there last night. One of those gold-tipped ones, right?"

With a scowl, Jeanette opened her purse to show that there were no cigarettes in her possession, but a lighter fell out. The other girl picked up the shiny object and held it tightly, as if the lighter were at least part of her quest. "Okay, you're out," she said, "I'll try to find us some."

I was laughing as I walked up to my beloved, who scowled at me with embarrassment and annoyance. "I don't even know that woman."

"She's your cousin," I remarked. "You showed me her picture once, but that's okay." I lifted my leg and pulled a pack of cigarettes from the top of my sock. "Do you want one?"

"Oh, you gotta be kidding!" said Jeanette. We broke up with laughter and had our first enjoyable smoke in months. Now we knew why we both liked to drive everywhere separately, and why we were the two best-smelling people on the face of the planet.

These days, Jeanette and I are happily married, and we've started a business that sprang from our unusual courtship. It's clear that online dating works for people, but not if they have to hide who they are. Smokers should have a site to meet fellow smokers and those open-minded about dating a smoker, without caving into social pressure.