I have a confession.



I used to have doubts about God's existence. I would pray and I wouldn't always get an answer, so it felt like a one-sided conversation.

Then one day when I was very, very sick and out of options, I surrendered my life to God. I didn't know what else to do.

Guess what? HE heard me.

It was late 1996 and I was suffering from severe immune dysfunction. Basically, I was super sensitive to everything in my environment and I was getting worse.

I had already prayed. I had already seen the doctors. I took their pills. I took their allergy shots. I took out my mercury fillings. I did deep-heat detoxification in a sauna. I tried to avoid my stressors.

And still, I got worse.

At first, it was better and worse. Then, it was much, much worse. So much so, I didn't know where I could live.

Now that seemed like a problem of God-size proportions. I told him I had done all I could and if he could do something with my life he could have it.

Well, that's not much of a salvation prayer, but God seemed satisfied with it. He got me a new place to stay within a few hours and filled me with faith in him and a desire to be obedient to his wishes. (I previously had relied pretty much on my own judgment.)

For two weeks he tested me. I rotated sleeping places at his discretion. Kind of like the Israelites following the cloud in their wanderings.

"And when the cloud was taken up from over the tabernacle, the children of Israel went onward in all their journeys:

"But if the cloud were not taken up, then they journeyed not till the day that it was taken up." Exodus 40:36,37

And then, my mother sought prayer for me from Messianic Vision's radio show by Sid Roth, a Georgia pastor. Well, they drew my name by lottery on the show and prayed for me.

I didn't know my mom had put my name in for prayer, but I sure knew someone prayed for me. I became more optimistic and resolved to make the most of my situation!

The folks on the show declared me healed.

Indeed, as I later learned, I had received the Holy Spirit. My body became stronger and stronger as each day passed.

"But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you." Romans 8:11

Well, it was (and is) true.

The Holy Spirit led me to seek prayer wherever and whenever I could. I had people lay hands on me and pray, just as they describe in the Bible.

About six months later, I believe God led me to a statewide charismatic prayer conference. It was there I received a physical healing from Environmental Illness.

My life has never been the same since.

I found being the boss isn't what it's cracked up to be. I just don't have all the answers, as much as I'd like to ... It's sure been a weight off my shoulders.

I have to admit that, deep inside, I was running scared. It wasn't a good feeling.

Now, I can rely on the one who made me to do what's best.

"In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid of what man can do unto me.

"Thy vows are upon me, O God: I will render praises unto thee.

"For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt thou not deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?" Psalm 56:11-13