Many of us have experienced it over the years. You meet a girl that you have a great platonic relationship with and then the pressure starts to build. Where is it coming from? Odds are it is from the other guys who want to know why you have not gotten more intimate with her i.e. sex. The result is a great relationship turns into an attempted conquest. In many guy circles, you either win or you lose when it comes to women.
That kind of attitude has left quite a number of men (even the alleged winners) sitting in the silence of their lonely rooms wondering, "What happened?" Even with the powerful emergence of internet dating online, speed dating, live chats and all the other innovations, the same attitudes of victory or defeat are on full display.
No woman wants to be a footnote or just a notch on some guy's bed post. The majority of women deal in terms of relationships not sports. With that said, there a few things to keep in mind.
1. Communicate
Forget those old movies where the hero plays the strong silent type and the women swoon. That may go for some but most women want communication. You may think sitting there on a date quietly practicing your Clint Eastwood poses and attitude is a win win situation but more than likely, she will think you have nothing useful to contribute to the conversation. Worst than that, she may think you have not been listening and that really ticks women off.
Dating is sharing. Listening and asking her intelligent questions means you are fully engaged. Be prepared also to contribute some personal information. Not that you have to tell her your life's history at one sitting but enough to add to the conversation. The more interesting you are the more she will want to know about you.
2. Confidence or Jerk
Women may have the maternal instinct but that does not mean they are looking for a cry baby. Have confidence in yourself and keep the self pity to a minimum. She is not going out with you to audition as your therapist. Leave all the self analyzing at home.
At the other end of the spectrum is the jerk. To quote an old song, "He's a legend in his own mind and God's gift to women." No woman wants to excuse herself from the table constantly because she can only take your arrogance in small doses. You are not the King of Siam so show a little modesty.
3. Time
Attraction can happen instantaneously but growing a relationship takes time. If you feel that you would like to know her a lot better than you do and that includes mentally and emotionally as well as the physical, then be patient. The old saying anything worthwhile is worth waiting for goes double for relationships.
No woman wants to be a trophy that you put on the mantle piece to show off to your buddies so do not put your dating relationships in terms of winning or losing. Communicate, be confident without turning into a jerk and give the relationship time. Remember the only one that you should concentrate on impressing is her.
Have The Relationship You Want
Sometimes it's really as simple as asking your partner for the things you feel are missing. We commonly believe that once we're in a relationship that our partner will know what we need ? after all, the relationship is still working. But people can not be mind readers, so it's your responsibility to ask for the things that will make you happy.
Be honest
In this assessment of your relationship, you owe it to yourself and to your partner to be honest with each other. While lying can seem like the simple cover-up for problems and other issues, it only complicates the matters and can lead to further problems. What you need to do is trust in each other enough to tell when you need something more and tell them truthfully.
Learn about persuasion
What's interesting about communication is that there are many ways to go about using it. Persuasion is an effective discipline for helping a couple learn the art of negotiating with each other in order to create a healthy relationship. Instead of focusing on one person who is right and another person who is wrong, persuasion allows you both to demonstrate your ideas and your goals and then creating a plan to achieve them.
Approach your relationship like a business
While this sounds unromantic, the idea of looking at your relationship as a business is a worthwhile process. By creating an overall goal (or mission statement) for your relationship, you can start to make decisions based on this overall idea. And the idea can guide your future together.
Compromise works
You can't always get what you want ? it's the truth. But what you can do is learn what is important to you in a relationship and what is not. Sometimes compromising isn't such a bad thing. When you allow your relationship to have the things it needs, that's the main point. You don't need to always get your way when the relationship is nurtured by an action.
Get to know each other
A lot of times, we forget that we grow and change over our lives, and thus assume that our partners will always be the way that they've always been. However, when you want to help strengthen your relationship, you will want to look at your partner again to see what has change and what you can learn. You might be surprised at what you find.
Leave the house
Often, couples can become stuck in their homes and their routines, forgetting that life is just waiting for them to experience it. Why not try getting out once in a while? Couples that make the effort to leave their familiar surroundings once in a while are often happier in their relationship because they allow themselves to have a new perspective.
Try something new
Like heading out of the house, trying something new can create a new dimension to your relationship. By simply signing up for a new class or trying out a new exercise routine can help to bring you both together. Since you'll have to learn this new activity together, you will be able to learn about how your partner deals with the process and watch them blossom into understanding.
Remembering the good
When we focus too much on the things that we don't like about our relationship, we start to see only the bad. But when we try to focus more on the good stuff, we'll see more of the good. What you need to do is start to create an optimistic attitude about your relationship. Try to think about things that are good about your partner first before you start criticizing the negative.
Forget the advice of others
But in the end, it's not about what everyone wants you to do; it's what will work for your relationship. Don't hold yourself up to someone else's standards ? find what makes you happy and then do that.
Both Daryl Campbell & Cucan Pemo are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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