The pain caused by a marital affair can be extremely powerful. Within the process of recovery, there are three factors, the two members of the couple and the relationship itself. The relationship is its own entity and is damaged by the affair along with the two people. Also, remember that the guilty party will experience pain along with the betrayed spouse.



To achieve affair recovery, you must show patience and perseverance. When an affair occurs, it damages the very foundation of the marriage, but through certain steps, the relationship can survive. To do this, both husband and wife must make a full commitment to healing the marriage.

As you recover from an affair, it can help to stop and recall what things made your marriage strong and happy in the past. Keep a positive focus, thinking about the good times you've had instead of dwelling on the painful experience of deceit and infidelity. Take time to recall why you were first attracted to your spouse.

Once you have focused on the positives, it is time to examine your marriage and figure out what caused it's stability to be shaken. Cheating rarely occurs when both partners are happy and satisfied, so it is important to discover just what went wrong, and why, in order to overcome the problem.

To recover from an affair, both the offending spouse and their partner must show deep honesty as they examine the situation and feelings leading up to the affair. When you discuss these things, make an effort to use "I" statements instead of "You" statements. For instance, say "I feel this way when you do that" instead of "You do this to me." Take ownership of your feelings instead of making accusations.

Deep honesty means letting out all of the hurt and not carrying the baggage of unresolved feelings. In affair recovery each must get in touch with their own core values, hopes, and dreams as well as acknowledging their own and their spouse's anger and pain.

Recovery is also likely to need outside help to get an unbiased third party's understanding on the dynamics of a broken marriage and to suggest ways to heal and to eventually restore trust. This can be a professional marriage counselor, a religious leader or pastor, or even a mutually trusted friend of both husband and wife. Getting a fresh view of what has happened can benefit both parties. When searching for such help, be sure to evaluate their experience with successful affair recovery.

It is not easy to rebuild trust after an extramarital affair, but it can be done! The two of you once shared enough strength to join together and start a family, and you can use that strength to try again. Neither of you should downplay your pain, but you should not focus too much on it either. You cannot change the past, but the future holds so much possibility. Affair recovery can happen when the couple looks forward and sees that their marriage is strong enough to withstand this test.