This can be a tricky but very fine line and we will not always be perfect when dealing with a struggling alcoholic in our life.



We want to do what we can to help the struggling alcohol, but many times our efforts will actual be counterproductive because we might actually be enabling them instead of helping them. So how can we know how to avoid enabling? How do we know when we are genuinely helping someone?

Here are some guidelines that can help us:

1) Do not help them on their terms - This is a big one and can get you into trouble, so make sure you are on guard against it. If the alcoholic says that they want help, but they are still trying to control things and manipulate, then they are not truly seeking assistance. They are trying to manipulate you.

Now this can be tricky to identify because many times this behavior is so ingrained in the alcoholic that they do not even realize that they are doing it. But you have to see the difference between when they are manipulating versus actually seeking help. You can do this by gauging their level of surrender. If they are asking to tell them how to live, then it is likely that they really do want to change. But if they are still trying to control their own life then you should probably step away from the situation and not "help them."

2) Do not give them money - This is an easy rule that cuts right to the chase. Alcoholics need money in order to drink, but you should never give them money, even if they need to feed their children. Yes this sounds terrible but you have to understand just how manipulative an alcoholic can be. They might have already spent their money on booze, knowing that someone would step in and not let their children go hungry. If you hand them cash in this instance then you are not really helping the kids, you are buying their alcohol. Don't fall for this type of manipulation by simply following the simple rule: don't give an alcoholic money.

3) Do not party or drink with the alcoholic - sometimes you might want to let your hair down and have a drink as well, right? If you are around the struggling alcoholic, don't do it. Never drink around them. It only gives them "permission" to feel good about their own drinking.

4) Suggest treatment but do not threaten or force them - if you try to force the issue this will only create resentment and more drinking. People who are forced or strongly coerced into treatment do not stay sober. They have to want it for themselves so your best bet is to simply let them know that the option is available when they are ready for help.

5) Consider a formal intervention as a last resort - consider carefully before you do a formal intervention because it is possible that things will get worse, not better, and relations could suffer. That is what makes this a last resort effort - the possibility is there that an intervention could actually make things worse. On the other hand, doing one could be the final catalyst that is needed to nudge an alcoholic towards real change (just don't count on it). More likely, an intervention is a step along a path....it may not lead to instant recovery, but it might be part of the long path for someone.

So there you have it. Follow these suggestions and do what you can to offer help to the alcoholic in your life. With a bit of luck and perhaps some prayer they might be in for some real changes. Good luck to everyone out there.