You look upon your teenage years with anger. Why did Bobby never ask you out? That science teacher was so mean! You just knew he was out to get you. As if lots of emotional drama wasn't enough, there were lots of changes going on in your body. You were pleased with your boobs, but your complexion was another matter.

Lots of zits resulted in lots of acne scars. Your parents, who you never listened to anyway, always warned that you should never pick your zits, lest you end up with those dreaded acne scars. Well, you wanted to ask them if, had they found a pus-filled blemish on their nose, they would have done in your position!

Well, you have finally come to the conclusion that you should have listened to your parents. Here you are, in your mid-twenties, and without makeup your face is littered with the evidence of acne scars – particularly on your nose.

In a desperate attempt to figure out how to cheaply get rid of your acne scars, you decided to make a fruit face mask. After all, fruit has nutrients! Maybe those nutrients would be absorbed by your skin and get rid of those scars once and for all!

You eagerly visited your local grocery store, and grabbed one of each fruit available. In the middle of this fruit frenzy, you felt a tap on your shoulder. Oh, it's your neighbor, great. You politely chat for a while, and mention that you were just getting things together to make a fruit salad…a very large fruit salad.

Finally your neighbor wanders off, and it's back to business. Your carriage now full, you realize that you need something to hold this concoction together. Yogurt is nice and thick, and is derived from milk, right? Didn't Victorian women wash their faces in milk to keep their complexion smooth? Yes, yogurt shall be the glue that holds this wondrous fruit face mask together. One hour, and $100.00 later, your shopping adventure is complete.

Thank goodness for that food processor you have. It only took a half hour to pulverize fifty different kinds of fruit! You add in the yogurt, and all that remains is for you to actually put it on. You stand in front of your bathroom mirror, and liberally apply your concoction. You sigh with satisfaction – your face mask is sure to work!

You lie down on your couch, and take a nap. Thirty minutes later, you wake up and run to the bathroom to wash off your mask. It turns out that it isn't necessary – your dog has licked it off for you. After two weeks of diligently applying this mask, you realize that the only difference it has made has been in how you smell. Your coworkers have often asked about that tropical perfume you've been wearing. Well, the time has come to consult a dermatologist, who stifles a laugh as you tell him about the face mask you tried. He suggests laser therapy and, several sessions later, your skin is finally clear, and fruit-free.