It's possible to talk to a woman for an hour and be completely oblivious to certain signals of sexual attraction she is giving you. This is the reason so many men finish conversations with women only to think, “I thought it went well, but I guess she wasn't that attracted to me.” In fact, a significant percentage of those conversations would have gone a lot better if the guys were able to notice signals like the ones I'm going to tell you about now: validation and approval.



First let's define validation and approval. We can lump them together as one concept.

Imagine if you were to meet your favorite movie star. Let's assume it's a guy. You spend an hour with him just hanging out. At first it's tense and makes you nervous, but slowly you feel more relaxed. Of course, he's pretty laid-back from the outset. As things get looser and more fun, you make him laugh. Picture right now what that would be like—it'd feel good right? Don't pretend like it wouldn't. You'd get a buzz when he broke out in genuine, loud laughter. You'd smile yourself and feel alive. That's how good it feels to be validated by and approved of by someone you see as high value. If you hated the guy, making him laugh wouldn't give you any pleasure—you wouldn't give a damn. But if that person has high social value, it makes all the difference.

Okay, now imagine you're talking to a woman who is very attractive. You want to attract her. You've been talking for a little while. Halfway through something you're saying, you make her laugh and as she laughs she touches you on the arm. In fact, she playfully punches your arm and says, “You are awesome. You're the most interesting guy in this whole place. I just feel drawn to you.” That would feel pretty good, huh? Yeah. You've just been approved of and validated by this attractive woman and you now feel positive emotion—like you've achieved something.

Alright, now here's the main principle of this article. When you are talking to women with the intention, or goal, of attracting them you need to do two things.

1. Avoiding seeking validation and approval from them, at least near the start of your interaction.

2. Watch out for times when the woman seeks validation and approval from you and capitalize on the situation.

So far we've used the example of laughing and smiling as forms of validation and approval, but there are many other kinds. For example, if a woman does any of the following, then she is most likely looking to get validation and approval from you, which means she sees you as high value, which means she probably finds you sexually attractive:

• She asks you a question or makes a statement whose main purpose is to ascertain whether or not you think she is up to scratch in some way. For example, “I want to be an actress but I don't know if I have the right look, what do you think?”

• She asks for permission to do something for which she doesn't require permission. For example, “Can I ask you a question?”

• She wants you to find her attractive. Usually women won't be too blatant about this, so you need to look for non-verbal signals. For example, her flicking her hair around a lot or playing with it. That's a big one.

If you spot two or more examples of the girl seeking validation and approval from you, then you know she sees you as high value, simple as that. That means she either already finds you sexually attractive or WILL find you attractive if you give her the right kind of attention (make her feel positive emotions without coming off as low-value and outcome-dependant).

So, always bear validation and approval in mind when you're talking to a woman and wondering whether she's attracted to you and, if not, whether you're going to be able to attract her at some point down the line.