It's important to know that you are not alone. Nearly 1 in 2 people live with a chronic illness in the U.S. which means that a lot of marriages are disrupted by this uninvited third party of illness, often including mental illness as well. Sadly, seventy-five percent of them end in divorce.



So! Can you get the spark back? Yes! Here are some creative romantic gift ideas and ways to say, "I love you."

Chocolate. Yes, it really can be that simple. But buy her some sugar-free chocolate that she can splurge on without the guilt. It's amazing how good it tastes! Chocolate has a chemical called phenyl ethylamine that actually produces the feeling of "being in love." Check out your local Wal-Mart or Target for their Russell Stover's chocolates that come in bags. Coconut, caramels, and pecans hmmmm you get the idea.

Hold her hand. Yes, I know. You're hoping for more than just holding hands. But if it takes a woman without an illness awhile to get in the mood, you can imagine the affection she needs in order to forget her physical pain. Rub her back carefully, use an endearing name you haven't used in five years, and don't pressure her for more. Snuggle, cuddle, snuggle as if you will never let her go.

Pour out your heart about how much you admire the strength she shows in the darkest moments. Let her know you know that living with illness is difficult and that you are blessed to be married to someone with so much character and joy. Remind her that you love her and are in it "in sickness and in health."

Buy her something she wouldn't buy herself like a $20 bottle of lotion, a CD she's mentioned or a rocking chair for the patio. What is something that she could enjoy when she isn't feeling well? Pamper her.

Give her a getaway. In short, take the kids out of the house an entire day and don't say anything when you come home at 4 p.m. and she's still in her pajamas.

Write little notes that she can find any time. And don't forget to say thanks too! For example, if she does laundry, put a note in your own sock drawer to find when she puts them away that says, "I know laundry isn't easy for you to do. Every time I find clean socks here I am reminded how much you love me and how blessed I am."

Get romantic at home. Looking for a romantic dinner idea for staying home? Buy an electric fondue pot and pledge to dip something in candlelight one evening a week and just talk.

Don't know how to start a conversation that can lead to romance? There are loads of books about "conversation starters" and most have a romantic version. "Red Hot Monogamy" by Bill and Pam Farrell is also a good book to read to gain some ideas.

Let her know that you know atmosphere is important. Send her in to take a bath and light some of the new flameless candles (you can go to sleep without worry). Make up a play list of her favorite romantic songs on your ipod. Get goofy and throw some rose petals around and see how she responds.

It's no surprise that women are complicated beings and rarely can you read her mind to know exactly what she needs and when she needs it. So be sure to just ask her outright. "What is on your mind most these days? How can I help you around the house more? What can I do to communicate just how much I love you?"

The good news is that perfection is not a requirement. Just by making the effort to increase the romance in the relationship will score you some big points. And she may not let you even have a chance to finish reading that book on romancing your wife, because if she sees you reading it, your willingness to read it may be all the romance she needs. One last piece of advice, doing the dishes or the laundry really can be the best way to your wife's heart.