When we want to be better than others, we are also driven to make sure they remain beneath us. We do what we can to keep them in their place,and look for their failings and weaknesses. We may also take pleasure in their hardships and losses. When famous people fall from their pedestal and suffer, many feel relief that they are not so much better after all.



How We Compare Ourselves To Others

Some are not able to relate at all to others who they feel are "better than them.They fill their worlds with those who they feel are inferior, (and treat them that way, to keep them in their place.) Some are drawn to those who they think are better than them, and spend a lot of time trying to tear the person down. Others become members of sports team and take great relish in beating the others, proving that they are "best".

Living this way, one becomes unable to see the beauty and gifts which each person has and which they could otherwise share with you. This keeps you on edge, looking for ways you can maintain your superiority. Relationships become power struggles. There is little fulfillment, or true sense of self worth.

Pride Vs. Self Worth

Pride creates a grandiose, false sense of self and causes the person to close themselves off to many situations, possibilities, insights and relationships. Pride also causes them to be out of touch with true self worth, who they truly are, what really brings happiness.

A true sense of self worth, on the other hand, provides enjoyment when dealing with all kinds of individuals. With true self worth you do not need to compare yourself to others, tear them apart or feel superior. Instead, you are able to value who they are and share you both of your gifts. As Emerson wisely said, a rose in the garden does not compare itself with another. It just blooms as it is intended to.

Exercise

Step 1: Recognizing The Many Faces Of Pride Make a list of those you feel better than. Who are they? Why are you better than them? A)Make a list of those you feel are better than you. Who are they? How does this make you feel? How do you behave with them? This exercise will surprise you. Be honest with yourself. You may also be astonished to see how many people you've written out of your life.

Step 2: Stop Comparing

A) Pick someone on your list that you feel better than. Write down all their positive qualities. Now, stop comparing yourself to this person. Let them be who they are. Let you be who you are, as well. Enjoy the differences between you.

B) Do the same with someone you think is better than you. Can you allow both of you to have positive qualities though they may be different? Can you stop comparing in this case as well?

Step 3: A New Meeting

A) Contact the person you feel better than and go out with them to lunch. Make the meeting all about them. Don't talk much. Really find out about them. Give them a chance to be the star. Do the same with someone who feels they are better than you. You'll be amazed to discover how much others crave being heard and known, how shaky they are about who they are. As you do this you'll see that you don't have to tear others down to feel good about yourself.

Step 4: Each One Is The Best One

As soon as you notice yourself feeling better than another, let it go and let them be the star. Realize that both of you can be wonderful. As soon as you notice that you feel someone else is better than you, do the same. Look for their good qualities and yours as well. Find out more about them. Talk to them about themselves and really listen. Let the true person they are emerge. Don't buy into a fantasy. It won't do you any good.

Copyright (c) 2008 Dr. Brenda Shoshanna