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How To Feel Good About Yourself

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Are you feeling frustrated, resentful, or angry around some members of your family? Do you have mixed feelings about spending time with or calling parents, siblings, children, or relatives? Well, you are not alone. Especially during the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, family issues often show up in major ways.



As a Marriage, Family Therapist, I counseled many men and women who were dealing with the pain they had around their families. They often had guilt feelings for not wanting to connect with them, as well as anger, fear, hurt, and sadness.

For example, Heidi, a forty-three-year-old teacher, complained to me that one part of her wanted to spend time with her parents and siblings, but another part wanted to stay away. To help Heidi heal her dilemma, I guided her through a HART process (Holistic And Rapid Transformation).

I said, "Heidi, allow yourself to close your eyes and imagine your family is in front of you. What do you want to say to them? There are no consequences because they are not really here."

At first the middle aged woman remained quiet. Then she began to cry. After she released her sadness, I continued, "Try the words, I feel so hurt when you __ and finish the sentence." Heidi whispered, "I feel so hurt when you criticize me." Then she yelled, "Stop criticizing me! I am never good enough for you! You are always finding fault with everything I do and all the people in my life. I am sick of it! Leave me alone. If you love me, why are you doing that? I just want you to love and accept me!"

Then I guided Heidi back to the time she decided that she was not good enough. The little girl was five-years-old and her mother was yelling at her because she did not set the table right. This was not the first time her mother was critical. However, this time little Heidi felt it very deeply.

I suggested to Heidi that she release that negative scene by burning it away with a laser beam. Then I guided her to imagine the scene as she would have liked it to be. Heidi visualized her mother lovingly saying, "Honey, you did a good job and I like to do it this way." Heidi felt much better and decided from this positive experience that she was okay and that people have different opinions. She realized that she was okay and good enough no matter what anyone said or did.

Heidi naturally took a deep breath of relief. Then I guided her to return to the present and to again imagine her family in front of her. She smiled and said, "What you say or do is about you and not me. I am good enough just the way I am."

The teacher returned for another session after the holidays. When I asked Heidi her experiences with her family, she shared how interesting it was. She noticed how they were all critical of themselves and others. "But this time, Helene, I did not feel any pain. I just observed them. It was the best visit I had with them in my adult life," exclaimed Heidi.

Can you relate to Heidi's story? Many men and women in my office have had the same painful experience and success in healing it. The power of this process is to emotionally realize (not just mentally) that you are good enough. I have heard this negative belief, that I am not good enough, so often that I decided that it must be an epidemic.

You can feel good around your family when you realize the truth that no matter what anyone says or does you are good enough, okay, worthy, important, intelligent, and a good person. The truth sets you free, and enables you to enjoy your loved ones.
How To Feel Good About Yourself
Many of us have this experience, from time to time. Some of us experience it on a daily, continual basis.

We can be feeling on top of the world, and going about our day when we encounter in person, on the phone, or by email, someone who is upset, angry, or otherwise in a difficult space. The next thing we know, we don't feel so good. We may feel suddenly tired, down, or have a headache or other bodily discomfort pop up from nowhere.

The ability to sense and understand other peoples' emotions is often referred to as "empathy", and can be a very good thing.

However, when taken to the extreme of actually taking on another person's emotions and even body sensations as if they are our own, this becomes unhelpful not only for ourselves but also for those around us. It is much harder to be a support for others when we are feeling overwhelmed!

Those who have been through childhood trauma, those who work as therapists or healers, and those who simply for other reasons have a high degree of emotional sensitivity, are often particularly affected by this pattern.

One way of circumventing this tendency is to strengthen our energetic and emotional boundaries. This can be done in a number of different ways, including the use of Donna Eden's "zip up technique" that she teaches in her book "Energy Medicine", and through the use of Zensight energy healing.

Zip Up Technique

With the "zip up technique", you simply imagine that there is a zipper running up the front and centre of your body. This "zipper" is in fact the body's central energy meridian. The energy meridians are what are being treated during acupuncture, but you can also create change in the energy meridians by tracing them with your hand, or through the use of focused intent.

Place your hand palm side down, at the front and centre of your body, starting at your pubic bone. While taking a deep breath and letting it go, slowly pull it upward as if you were pulling up a zipper all the way up to your chin.

Repeat this three times, preferable while stating an affirmation such as "I can keep my power with this person", or "I can stay calm, grounded and centered, no matter what is going on around me." Any affirmation that feels most right to you is fine.

I often suggest to my clients that they "zip up" before dealing with someone who is angry or upset, and I get incredibly good feedback from those who try it out.

It is also a good idea to simply practice this every day, or even a few times each day, in order to keep yourself calm and grounded even during those times that you hadn't expected to encounter someone who impacted negatively upon you.

One idea is to do this after brushing your teeth each day, so that it is easily remembered and integrated into your daily life.

Zensight Energy Healing

If you have already "taken on" other people's emotions and energies, you can also rapidly release them through the use of Zensight.

Zensight involves working with the subconscious mind in a way that is similar to hypnosis, and yet no hypnosis is actually used. Instead, we begin by creating a "healing symbol". This symbol can be a word, picture, or colour. Some people choose to use a symbol such as the ocean. They then can focus on the word "ocean" when that feels right, and at other times may actually visualize the ocean.

When this healing symbol is used or focused upon with intent, it allows the fears, concerns, and "blocks" that someone is experiencing to gently heal and transform.

The healing symbol is then used together with healing statements and visualizations, to soften, dissolve and release the concerns that are being experienced.

For example, in order to use Zensight to release other people's "stuff", you may try the following statements. Remember to stop and focus upon the healing symbol you selected for a few minutes after each statement, or until a sense of relaxation, greater peace, or "letting go" is felt:

"I heal now heal transform and release any and all emotions, body sensations, or energetic vibrations that any parts of me have taken on, that don't serve my highest good now."

"I now fully release anything and everything that any parts of me are carrying, that don't belong to me."

"I now fully heal, transform and release any and all patterns of emotions, behaviors, thoughts, habits, or energetic vibrations, that any parts of me have taken on from...[my mother, my father, society, etc...]."

"I now fully heal transform and release any physical, emotional, spiritual, or energetic concerns that any parts of me are carrying from any past times of trauma, difficulties, or losses of any kind."

"I now powerfully create, strengthen and install, new patterns of being able to hold onto my own inner peace, personal truth, and sense of being, regardless of what others around me may be feeling."

"I now create and install new ways of being able to stay fully emotionally and energetically present and empathic with others, without taking on any of their concerns as my own."

You also may stop and check inside and notice any pictures or images that come up for you when you think about taking on other people's emotions, patterns or body sensations, and alternate a focus upon these images with a focus upon your healing symbol.

As you do this, notice any changes that occur in the pictures and use additional statements as needed, to allow them to continue to transform in a healing direction.

A regular practice of strengthening our energetic boundaries - and releasing anything that we have taken on from others - can go a very long way towards creating overall emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, and energetic stability, peace and tranquility.
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Carol Ann Rowland has sinced written about articles on various topics from Credit Loans, Food and Drink and Stress Management. Carol Ann Rowland, MSW, RSW is a therapist and the creator of Zensight. She is internationally known for her expertise with energy work. To learn more or to receive a free Zensight ebook, or to access Zensight audio healing sessions, please see. Carol Ann Rowland's top article generates over 1900 views. to your Favourites.
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