If you are undergoing an angry divorce or ending of another relationship involving children, you may consider filing for sole custody so that you don't have to share parenting with your ex. Before making the decision to pursue full custody, you need to consider the financial and emotional aspects involved.



There are two types of sole custody. Sole legal custody involves one parent having all decision-making authority for the child. Generally, this is the type of custody that may be generically referred to as sole custody. Sole physical custody means that the child will live with one parent with the other parent usually receiving visitation.

The presumption in many courts is joint legal custody where both parents participate in decision making on behalf of their child. This is due, in part, to research that shows the noncustodial parents who are able to parent their child are less likely to become absentee parents. Parents have joint physical custody if the child splits living time evenly between the two parent's homes.

Before a court will grant sole custody, there needs to be evidence that the other parent is unfit. Usually the noncustodial parent is granted visitation, and there are requirements for the other parent to provide information on the child's life such as education, medical and religious concerns. Unless the other parent does not want to remain involved with the child, it is quite hard to convince a court to not allow a parent to see his or her child, even if there has been documented abuse to the child. A parent who is found to be unfit may be granted supervised visitation and given a court order to attend a treatment program with the eventual goal of increasing visitation and parental participation if the parent complies with the court's orders.

No custody case is ironclad. The court will base the custody decision on the best interests of the children. Unfortunately, the judge may not see the situation as you do.

Sole custody is more likely to be granted in specific situations. If a parent has abused the child, the other parent may receive sole custody. False abuse accusations have become more prevalent, so credible evidence of abuse will have to be provided. In fact, judges some judges have given full custody to the abuser in the belief that the other parent was making false statements to try to win custody.

Incarceration of a parent is sometimes enough reason to give sole custody to the other parent, particularly if the sentence is for a long period. Mental illness or abuse of substances may also be cause to give full custody to the other parent.

Domestic violence can sometimes cause the court to grant custody to the abused parent. But, judges may not consider a history of violence to be reason to deny legal custody if the children were not affected by the violence.

If your ex does not see the children, you may be able to get full custody. Often, exes appear out of nowhere when they find out about the court action. If the ex says that he or she wants to remain involved, it's not likely that legal custody will be granted to the other parent.

Consider what going for sole custody is going to cost you. Financially, the bills could easily run into the five-figure range. The stress of a prolonged court fight is extreme and could permanently damage your health. Your children may be put in the middle and used as pawns to spy on you and perpetuate the ex's agenda. You may even be threatened or harmed physically by the ex or one of his or her friends. Kidnapping or other harm to the children beyond emotional abuse could take place.

Even if you share joint legal custody with your ex, you may be able to get some protection from a violent or vindicative ex. Decision making authority could be split be areas such as one parent being responsible for school decision and the other parent being in charge of medical concerns. There are professionals called parenting coordinators that serve as the go between so that warring parents don't have to necessarily communicate with each other.

Before filing for sole custody, consult with your attorney on the chances for winning and possibilities for co-parenting with protections for you. If you are in one of the situations mentioned above, you may have a chance at getting sole custody, but be sure to consider if all of the costs are truly worth the battle.