There's a story about a temple that a couple regularly visited. The path leading up to the entrance was quite bushy and there were thorns on the ground. The first time the husband took his wife just after marriage, he carried her so that she wouldn't hurt herself. After a few months they went again and he held her hands and helped her walk cautiously. The next time they visited, he reminded her to be careful of the thorns or she will get hurt. And the next time they visited, he did not say anything. This time his wife got hurt by a thorn and winced in pain. The husband saw this and said “Don't you know there are thorns here, have you gone blind?”



If this story sounds similar to one of yours, it is a bad indication and needs immediate attention. You need to start over again. You can start by first forgiving each other of whatever sensitive issues you have faced in the past. This also means that you actually have to forget the issue, never to bring it up again in future. You will no longer have the right to nag your spouse for it. Once you have this out of the way, it's time for renewing the good memories of your past and bringing them into your present. This will take time, so be prepared to maintain patience. A good idea is to begin flirting with your spouse. This is a great way to spice up your married life! Use pickup lines, ask for a date, go separately in a restaurant and make passes at each other – act out a pickup and fool the people around you, then laugh over it! Be a little naughty, tease him under the table at a restaurant, wear some sexy dresses and use a lot of makeup, kiss him in public, in short; get your spouse's attention and keep it! Listed below are few dos and don'ts for a great married life:

Be touchy! The power of a loving touch can do more wonders in your relationship than anything else. Holding hands together in a theatre, while watching TV, sleeping, or even while waiting in a queue doesn't cost you anything. Nor does playing with your mate's hair, giving a gentle rub, or a soft kiss cost anything!

Give Space! While closeness is extremely important, so is giving sufficient personal space. Don't stick around like a tail or bore her to death. This space will make your spouse look forward to meeting you again, even anxiously waiting, at times.

Exclude all subjects from ever being discussed where there is a strong difference of opinion, especially for politics, places of interest, sports, etc. If she doesn't like a particular politician or a certain sport, why debate? Stick to conversations that both like or are at least comfortable with.

Be flexible and accept your mistakes. You won't be right all the time so gather all your courage and say sorry when you have to.

Keep private information shared by your spouse in complete confidence. This also includes intimate information, past affairs, private photographs, etc.

Instead of always giving some excuse or the other, try to work out solutions to whatever limitations you face in attending to your responsibilities.

Keep abuse out of your life. Abuse should neither be inflicted, nor be tolerated, be it physical, mental, or verbal. If your spouse abuses you, seek a joint counseling immediately. If this is not agreeable, ensure your safety by immediately leaving to your closest relative /friend who you trust.

Be kind to each other. We've heard that “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. This sounds like common sense but is found lacking aplenty. If your spouse is working all day on a computer, walk up from behind and give a neck and shoulder massage. If your spouse is working on your lawn on a hot summer day, walk up with a huge glass of cold lemonade.

Don'ts:

Don't take a comment, or a movement as a serious problem, learn to lighten up things as often as you can. We all make mistakes – if your spouse makes one, let it go and laugh about it. Your goal should be to break the tension, not alleviate it.

Never fight in public, especially in front of your children. While it is OK to disagree a bit (and even healthy if controlled), don't let things go out of hand. If a serious argument is unavoidable choose a secluded place where others are not involved.

Don't forget the power of touch as mentioned earlier, especially if you're having a major clash. The best way to stop a fight is to simply walk over to your spouse and give a tight hug! If (s)he responses, follow with a kiss. If she responds, give a little tickle and make fun of the whole issue.

Never talk about divorce in your relationship and that includes even when you're joking. These things aren't easily forgettable and will be remembered and blamed for when there is serious trouble.

Don't get addicted to your computer or TV. These are major relationship disturbers, according to recent surveys.

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