Have you ever listened to the voice of Spirit with its passionate cries, seeking to be felt and known, expressed and multiplied in the inner most recesses of your heart's desires?



In that moment of choice, did you look out far beyond where you presently stand, to the possible futures with their joyful promise, or did the needs of others seem so much more important than your own?

In that moment of choice, who will win? Will it be the choice for Spirit's authentic call of joy and passion, or will the need to please or the fear of disappointing another win out again?

There have been so many times when I have thought about making the choice for me, for what I love, and the struggle sets in. Why is it so hard to 'choose me?' As I ponder my mother, and my mother's mother, and the mothers before her, I wonder how many of them had the freedom to choose any portion of a life they loved. Their lives were spent surviving, not thriving. They cared for their children, their husbands, their extended family, and their church communities, and there was not much left over for them-- even though their deep service to others was extremely important. Survival was an issue for my grandmothers as they carried their children over the plains and mountains into the West. As I ponder the beliefs passed down through the very spiritual and physical DNA of my ancestor mothers- is it any wonder that it has been a personal internal struggle to give voice to my authentic dreams and yearnings? How could I give voice to these big ideas when I was having a hard time asking for what I needed in the simple things?

There are always powerful moments in our lives when we are called to make the choice to say "yes" to our own personal callings.

My mother once made a decision for her self, her sanity and her own Spirit. It wreaked havoc on her family. She left her marriage to follow the voice of God-- or maybe it was just to be free of a marriage that crippled her soul. Was it painful for her family? Of course it was. We all felt abandoned and in deep sorrow. Did it go away soon? No. We blamed her. We blamed our father. We never considered the growth that we would experience or hers as well. I now can admit that my mother's willingness to choose her soul's yearnings taught me much more than my immediate pain and sorrow.

Recently I have been called to the table of choice again. As a founding minister of a church my soul yearned for more joy in ministry. Spirit called for greater expression, more creativity, and expansion. My decision to recreate my personal ministry in a way that honored my soul, my happiness and joy was rebelled against by many in the congregation. It pained me and yet, I know, as I stand in life, that my soul's commitment to greater authenticity is calling me to follow the voice of joy.

Why is it so difficult to follow these calls of true authenticity? Is it so foreign to the voices in our head which seek to keep us stuck and secure? Spirit's voice continually calls for us to stretch into unknown territory. It is uncomfortable and requires absolute commitment in order to move past the discomfort into the new possibilities.

I am committed to staying connected to the voice of joy, passion and Spirit and allowing it to lead me, guide me and walk beside me-- pointing the way. Living the life I love in Spirit is truly about waking up to the day-to-day experience of finding Spirit's joy in everyday events and acceptance of what is-- for now. I can trust today. It is leading me perfectly, in this I can depend. I know the Life of Spirit is calling me to "choose the authentic me" and that I do not need to judge this choice as selfish and egotistical, but it is the voice of the One that leads me guiding me to serve the Light more fully, more authentically and more joyfully.

In this activity, somehow I sense my ancestor mothers cheering me on, while setting themselves free to choose again, as well. While my daughters watch, I know that they, too, will lean more closely into the choice to choose joy's voice.