Problem One: People Don’t Listen



Although studies differ on the matter, many conclude that people speak about 150 to 200 words per minute and think at least 600 words per minute -- and probably a lot faster than that. Whatever the research, it is universally accepted that we all think faster than we speak. Therein lies the challenge. Our brains operate significantly faster than the rate at which someone can speak.

When we’re listening to someone, we have the time to add a significant amount to what that person is actually saying to us. We think. We add those extra words. We interpret. We twist. We alter the message! After all, a brain has got to do something with all that extra time!

While your boss or your spouse or your best friend is talking, your brain is chugging along, embroidering all manner of frills and lace around the edges of the real message. While your brain is doing all this tinkering with the incoming words, it is also repeatedly hitting the save button, dumping the whole thing -- the real words and the embroidery -- into your memory. The problem is that your brain doesn’t bother to separate that information.

So there is just this one file labeled: “Conversation Last Monday with Sally about the New Project," and everything gets dumped into the file willy-nilly. On Friday afternoon, when you sit down to sort out that conversation about that critical new project, you mentally open the file and start removing pieces of information -- without the slightest clue whether the information you’re extracting is what Sally actually said or some bit of word juggling your bored, overactive mind produced. This is a primary way that misunderstandings come about. Sally said X and you think she said Y -- and you remember it quite clearly!

To make matters worse, I recently read one study that said the average attention span of a human being is eight seconds. So, when something you hear triggers a thought, your excess mental capacity wanders off to follow that trail to another thought, then another thought, then another thought… and suddenly you’re daydreaming instead of paying attention to what is really being said.

So we alter the messages we hear and our tiny attention spans won’t even let us completely hear anything without disconnecting and wandering. It is a miracle that any messages get through at all. So it’s true -- people don’t listen. If individuals and organizations would simply operate with that understanding, we would all be a lot better off.

Problem Two: Hearsay Is Always Distorted

Unfortunately, we tend to forget all about childhood games as we get older. But we would all do well to remember the game of telephone and what a kick we got out of the distorted message at the end of the telephone line.

The truth is that we encounter an adult version of this phenomenon in the workplace, but we seem to have forgotten the point of the game -- that messages passed from one person to the next get distorted. In fact, in our workplaces, we often think hearsay information is... the truth!

Let’s be conservative, and for the sake of this point, assume that people speak at 200 words per minute and people think at 600 words per minute. (The discrepancy is probably a lot worse.) Even in this scenario, we can say that when we tell one person what another person said -- hearsay only one person removed -- the message is garbled, possibly up to and maybe even exceeding, a factor of four. The reason is this: in the 200/600 dichotomy, we have time to add four hundred words to what someone is saying to us – two times the original amount. If we pass what we “heard" along to someone else, they in turn may add their own additional 400 words to what just said, thus creating a factor of four. And that doesn’t even account for exacerbating factors -- such as a listener’s animosity or preoccupation. Such factors could further distort the communicated information.

Let’s face it: when someone tells you what someone else said, it is always distorted -- and that is just one person removed! But real life dictates that things usually don’t stop there. In real life that one person tells someone else who in turn tells someone else. That is why the role of “ambassador" in the workplace is problematic.

Allow me to examine a typical scenario in which this dynamic plays out. A project manager often acts as an ambassador between the client and the project staff. So the project manager meets with the customer to find out the customer’s desires, goals, and expectations. Later the project manager holds a meeting to inform the project staff what the customer wants. What happens? You guessed it, the information is distorted. In fact, the real-world scenario may be worse. A project manager doesn’t usually get a chance to meet directly with the client. Instead the project manager meets with the client’s assistant. Thus, the client tells the assistant to tell the project manager who tells the people who work on the project what the client wants. It is a miracle that anything is accomplished accurately at all! The truth is -- a lot of the time it doesn’t. And the cost is enormous in terms of productivity, profitability, stress, and decreased morale.

Solutions

Lack of listening and hearsay information is real problems and should not be ignored. Rather than wishing the problems didn’t exist, follow these twelve rules, and you will see a huge difference.

1.Check out rumors by going directly to the source.

2.Don’t pass rumors on.

3.To ensure clarity, paraphrase back to people what you hear them say and have people paraphrase your statements back to you.

4.Take notes and document what someone says in a conversation. Have them verify the documentation is correct. Remember, in a dispute, whoever has the most documentation usually wins!

5.Repeat and summarize your message.

6.Keep messages as short and simple as possible. Let the details follow your main message, just as newspaper articles are written.

7.Establish frequent milestone meetings (to make sure everyone is on the same page). If the project is moving along successfully, you can decrease the frequency of the meetings.

8.Develop a powerful network within your organization so you can crosscheck the information you receive.

9.If you manage people, pass on information in a lot of different ways (verbal reports, written reports, memos, e-mails, town-hall meetings, websites, etc.) to ensure that people at all levels receive the true message.

10.If you manage people, check in with people at all levels to ensure the information they are receiving is accurate and to hear feedback.

11.If possible, do not act as an ambassador. Instead, coach, support, and encourage people to talk directly with each other -- especially when they have a problem with each other. If need be, facilitate a meeting between the two parties.

12.Eliminate distractions. When someone is talking to you, do not file, type or

perform any other activities. If you are on a conference call, exit out of your e-mail program or, better yet, turn your monitor off. Remember, it is hard enough to concentrate on what someone is saying without distractions. If you work with someone who gets easily distracted, try to have any meetings with that person in an area with few distractions.

If we accept and remember that people don’t listen and that hearsay information is always distorted, we can develop procedures, processes, and systems that in the end will make everyone’s life easier and more productive. These twelve rules will set you on your way. Don’t just think about implementing them, do it. You can make the difference!