Losing someone with whom you have lived for a few months, a year, ten years or longer can be a devastating experience for some men. Sometimes we come to realize a break-up is the wisest decision and is really a good thing. The assumption is a break-up is always bad, and in need of fixing. However, when we look realistically at some reasons behind the breakup, we discover the relationship was not a healthy relationship from the beginning.

So the question becomes not how do I get my ex-wife back but why do I want my ex-wife back? One of the first questions to ask is what led you into this relationship. The first time you saw the person you knew there was something you liked. What did you like? Her overall appearance, the way she smiled, the manner in which she looked into your eyes, the way she shook your hand. Was it the color of her hair you noticed or the curves in her body? What was the presence, which caused you to feel connected? What were you hoping to find, a person of quality or an object to satisfy your needs? What was she wearing the first time you saw her?

The answers to these and similar questions should take you back to the first encounter. If, in fact the answers lead you to conclude the reasons you felt attracted led toward the bedroom then you sowed the first seeds of a relationship into rocky ground. Secondly, you were not looking for a woman you were looking for an object and relationships with objects do not last. Like your first little red truck, it breaks down; you get tired of it or find something you believe is better and more exciting. Human relationships planted in rocky or bad ground are prone to breaking up.

Why did you pursue this relationship? Is, it because of the manner, in which her presence caused you to feel more like a man? Did you pursue the relationship through conversation and shared hobbies and interests? Were private physical encounters the main attraction or was this put on hold for the future? Did she treat you like someone very special? When other men were attentive to her or flirted with her, did this lead you to anger or did this cause you to love her more? Did you pursue this relationship because you had a deep desire to care for her, to provide for her and to be with her because you wanted to grow in your love for her?

The bottom line question is: did you pursue this woman because you wanted to be loved or because you loved her and wanted your love for her to grow? answering this will make all your efforts make sense when trying to get her back.