When we put a music poster up on the wall what exactly are we doing? Usually it's because we have some kind of liking for the artist. It could be the music (Coldplay), the image (Marilyn Manson) or maybe we find them attractive (Beyonce). In any of these cases, we are displaying behaviour associated with being a fan, which is of course short for fanatic.



I have come up with the following list of fanatics, which should cover most categories of poster hangers, but please feel free to add your own.

1. The teeny. These are early teenage girls who, as yet, are unable to find any suitably mature similarly aged boys to fall in love with, so they fall in love with a poster instead. Their main targets are boy bands, ex boy band solo artists and female solo artists if they're in ‘girlie-crush' mode.

2. The mid-teen. This is where rebellion starts. For the girls, it's the biggest, ugliest rap star they can find which will be guaranteed to upset their parents. For the boys it's the most disgusting thrash metal group they can find which will be guaranteed to upset their parents.

3. The late teen. By now, serious prejudices have been formed and allegiance to one particular type of music is essential. Having, or not having, the right poster on the wall can mean the difference between social acceptance and rejection and will confirm the tribe that you will now be in for many years to come, if not the rest of your life.

4. The student. A little like the late teen, but in a very different way. Has allegiances, but dare not admit them. Will therefore put up ‘ironic' posters usually only considered by the teeny which thus become cool because they are in a student dorm – a bit like bricks in an art gallery.

5. The obsessed. Can be any age, diagnosed by the fact that all available wall space of their bedroom or study is plastered with posters of one particular band or artist. All possible additional memorabilia will have been purchased and will occupy any available floor space in their bedroom or study. They only come out of their bedroom or study for comfort breaks.

6. The trendy. Can also be any age, but has only one motive for poster hanging – to be in with other people. Easy to spot as there's no allegiance to anyone other than themselves. Also they often get it completely wrong.

7. The musician. Usually male and will have a select set of ‘heroes' posters on the wall which reflect his aspirations as a singer, lead guitar player etc. When you go and see him perform he bears no resemblance to these heroes whatsoever.

Some people pass through several, if not all of these categories during the course of their life, I must admit to a couple of them myself. There's nothing wrong with being a fanatic, but just be aware that it'll always give other people the opportunity to poke fun at you.