Arguably one of the most difficult things we will ever do in our lives is saving a relationship. These moments are highly charged with emotion and consequently we run the risks of saying and doing things that we will probably regret later. As such, we realize just how easily can we lose the person we love forever.



Often, what feels like the "right" thing to do emotionally turns out to be the "wrong" thing to do in reality. Think of the stock market -- when everyone sells, the right thing to do is buy but since emotions overule logic, we make the same mistakes that bad investors make. Although calling our ex and telling him or her that we still love them and miss them might feel right to do emotionally, it is actually the wrong thing to do. In fact, we should take a contrarian, or counterintuitive approach to saving a relationship.

In the past, I have written that one of the first things you should do when you are the victim of a break up is accept the decision. Let your ex know that you appreciate the decision that was made and that you realize just how important your freedom is to you. Say this with as positive a tone as possible. This will be a difficult task, but it is one of the basic, essential steps to saving a relationship.

In keeping with the counterintuitive steps, the next thing you must do is stop communicating with your ex. Taking this next step will have two great effects. The first is that give your ex some time alone to wonder why you were so compliant about the break-up. Plus, your ex will wonder why you had such a great, positive attitude about the whole thing. The image in your ex's mind will be of a happy, free single. And this was probably how you met; as a happy and free single! This image will result in memories of the good times (a good thing).

The next great effect is that your ex will stop justifying to him or herself why the break-up happened since they will be too busy with this happy, positive image of you. This provides something of a distraction and time alone to ponder this positive, free image of you. It is an essential step to saving a relationship. With no way to communicate with you and a positive image in mind, your ex will wonder why they broke up in the first place.

The two counterintuitive steps above provide a basic foundation for saving a relationship. These steps are both difficult to take and require a fair amount of trust in the strength of your relationship. But if it's worth anything, consider that most folks are averse to change. It is in our nature to tolerate mediocrity in our relationship than to seek out someone new.