After you've gotten out of a bad relationship it leaves you questioning lots of things. First off, how did you end up with that person in the first place? What did you see that led you to end up with them? If there are no kids involved it's easier to walk away and never see the person again, but kids make it a lot more difficult. For better or worse you are stuck having to deal with that person.



My wife and I were out with a friend and his date recently and the date was describing her ex as a great friend. They have three children together. She went on and on about how they are on the same page about everything, they just realized they didn't want to be married anymore. Wow, a happy ending with kids, what a concept. It left me wondering what they'd both find in the world since they were starting over but leaving their great friend behind. It's tough enough to find someone compatible to be with, if they wind up being your "great friend? you have hit the jackpot.

No one will ever accuse me and my ex of being great friends, probably the opposite, so I'm always intrigued when I hear about the ?happy ending?. Statistically half of marriages fail, so how many of them end well. If they ended well divorce attorneys wouldn't be driving fancy cars and living in big houses, while their clients usually lose these items.

When you make the decision to move on in a relationship it seems like fantasyland to assume that you'll both just shake hands and all will be well with the world. It's a great goal to shoot for, but more than likely one of you will be angry or bitter, and you'll fight over possessions or custody of children, and being friends will be the last thing on your mind.

I hope to get there some day but a line that always seems to ring true for me is from one of my favorite movies The Shawshank Redemption. Morgan Freeman's character says to Tim Robbins character ?Hope is a dangerous thing?. It's an emotion you have to wait on as opposed to being able to have some control over it. You can spend lots of hours hoping for things and they will never come. I'd rather do something proactive.

If you are one of those that can walk around feeling good about how your relationship ended consider yourself very lucky. There are a lot of us out there scratching our heads wondering how the relationship ever started in the first place, and it's always refreshing, yet hard to believe, when someone is boasting about a ?happy ending?.

Copyright 2006 George Siegal