It is in our human nature to desire things that feel good. Love certainly fills that criterion.



We believe that love is the stuff that gives us hope, happiness, joy and security. It makes us feel young again and improves our health. These are just some of the many attributes we have given to love.

Love express a certain state, or stage in our existence.

There is a significant difference between the two: A state is a fleeting moment which can last seconds, hours. days or even months and perhaps even longer, but it is fleeting. A stage is a situation we find ourselves immersed in. It has more permanence and can last a lifetime.

How you view and experience love reflects your developmental stage

Life is evolution and the way you view love is directly linked to the level of your development. The higher your developmental level, the easier it becomes to experience love as a stage, rather than a state that comes and goes. You have no or very little control over that state in the lower levels of your development.

Many of us, in fact the vast majority of the population are at the developmental level where we experience love as a state: For example we experience it when we meet someone new. Hopes are high when we are in the love trance. The excitement associated with this state is scintillating. We expect to be in this ecstatic state of bliss fore-ever, because it feels so good. This last statement is a contradiction of course.

When we look at love in this way it can never be anything, but a passing state.

Why am I saying this:

Love viewed through the lens of expectation is an illusion. It depends on its fulfillment purely on outside circumstances. This view is also firmly based on separation.

Let us look at our example of love in relationships again: We all know how a new relationship works: the partners put their best foot forward. Everything about the experience is new and wonderful. There is the delirious promise of even better things to come. As yet there is no past, no negative history. Of course, as we all know this nirvana changes as the relationship matures.

The nature of the love we experience changes too. Our faith in this blissful love state is

often brutally destroyed. Sudden endings of a love relationship, perhaps through death can kill your faith in love for many years, sometimes even forever

The loss of love through loss of a partner

When we lose a loved one either through death or divorce, we experience this loss as a loss of love and security. Loss of love and loss of security are linked closely in our minds. Again, outside influences tainted our view.It is our conditioning that has made us see love in this way. For centuries we have been trained to accept that the loss of a partner equates to loss of love. There is also the unspoken assumption that there is only one kind of love, or worse still: That we have lost the only love we can have in our lives. Once lost, love is gone forever and cannot be replaced.

These misconceptions make life unnecessarily difficult and are not designed to help us evolve and understand what love really is all about.

We are all the unwitting victims of our conditioning. It is important to realise this. Once you do, you start examining your beliefs and feelings in a new light. We give meaning to love according to our conditioning and we experience it according to our developmental level.

Love, a stage of your development

Love is not this romantic state we mistakenly seek on our path to happiness. The notion of romantic love is conceptually wrong. Clinging to it can also severely hamper your progress in life and make you very unhappy. I know you probably don't want to believe me. When I first learned to see love in a different light I had tremendous resistance to the new broader view. I even felt it was somewhat unethical.

So, if love isn't about romance, what is it about?

Love is essentially a level of vibration. As you grow and move to higher levels in your development you begin the realise that love is an essential part within you as well as outside of you. The two are one. You can experience love as a permanent stage when you have moved beyond the duality of judgement. For most of us this is not possible though. Very few people in the world are able to live in this permanent stage of oneness. However ,you still can experience the true nature of love. You know when you experience it: It is a transcendental state that cuts out everything between you and love. It just is.

When you feel connected to everything that is, you experience the true nature of love. You experience unity.

Once you have experienced this state for yourself you begin to see love in a new light. You begin to see your relationships beyond the limited perspectives of old conditioning. You also begin to see that love is everywhere, in everything and above all it is permanent. This new perspective is a great help when coping with loss through death or divorce. Since we all will experience and in all probablility already experienced painful losses in our lives you owe it to yourself to learn to love properly.