I've seen many signs of wishful thinking lately. A number of my readers have written to tell me they wish they could lose weight, but they don't want to give up the fattening foods they love. They want the results, but they don't want to change their habits or diets to achieve their goals. Since I've been in exactly the same state several times in my own life, I know this is a common issue, and it can get in the way of achieving any goal in life. It certainly isn't a problem that is exclusive to those of us who are trying to get our youthful figure back.



I sometimes blame the new-age folks, since they insist that we can have anything we want if we just 'think positive thoughts' - but I know they're just exploiting a basic flaw in human nature.

We all know people who wish they could buy a house, but whenever they have a few extra dollars in their pocket they spend it instead of putting it in the bank. They really do wish they could have a house, (or some other major investment), but they never actually buy one. Or they wish they had a better job, but never invest any time in learning new skills. Many people who fit this description actually feel that life has dealt them an unfair hand, because they don't have the things they've always wished they had. Or they believe that they haven't done a good enough job of creating a mental image of what they want, without realizing that the next step after setting a goal is to determine (and follow!) the steps that will let you reach your goals.

That's the problem with wishing. It's a hold-over from our childhood. Wishing comes when we believe that only magic could get us what we want.

I'm talking about the kind of magic that comes with wishing on a star, or blowing out all the birthday candles in one breath. While true prayer and a belief in miracles can actually help people to become more grounded and responsible, wishing can prevent us from ever having the things we really want and need.

Why? Because wishing keeps us slightly removed from the painful reality of being the only one who can ever really make a difference. If I wish I had a house, but spend my money at the movies, I will have to wait until I win the lottery before I can ever have a home. And will I ever win the lottery? It's extremely unlikely.

And if I wish I could be thinner, but pour heavy dressing on my salad, and push aside the broccoli, and eat out every other night at the pizza parlor, then only the fairy godmother can make me thin again - and she seems to be busy elsewhere these days.

What if you wish you had more willpower? Isn't that really saying that you'll make the needed changes when you finally, magically, get in the mood? And that your moods are entirely governed by the whims of chance? If you wish for willpower, will you ever have the strength to make the changes that will bring back your health?

This kind of wishful thinking can make us look silly to our friends, but it's often difficult to recognize when we've fallen into the habit of wishful thinking. In fact, the more fervently we hope for a thinner body, the more we make ourselves believe that we have really committed ourselves to change, even if we make no actual changes in our diet or lifestyle.

We tend to believe that the intensity of our longing proves how much we want to change - and when change doesn't happen, we convince ourselves that it isn't our fault. It's all a matter of luck.

We all wish for things, sometimes. We all need to let our "inner child" express herself occasionally. But most of the time our "adult" self needs to take charge, and take action. Our health should never be left entirely to chance.