In the UK, the level of health service you get depends on your postcode. Can the NHS stretch to life saving drugs on their budget in your area or do you need to move to live? Will your car insurance be extortionate? That depends on the statistics of car crime in your postcode. The same applies to your home insurance. A home is a home is a home is no longer applicable.



So many factors come into play when deciding on your annual home insurance premium that it has become a virtual science to work out, based on your postcode, of course. Is your area prone to subsidence, thieves or flooding? It makes virtually no odds what your personal incidence of these things are, it's not like car insurance. It doesn't matter if you haven't made a home insurance claim for 15 years, your premiums will still depend on your postcode.

The best thing you can do to keep home insurance premiums to a minimum is to move to Meifod, Powys in Wales. Get yourself a small holding with a million sheep and you'll fit in a treat. You'll also have the lowest home insurance costs in the country. Why is this, I hear you ask. Well, let's take a look at the possible risks and counter measures.

Many people will make a claim on their home insurance because of the damage caused by flooding. Flooding is possible in Wales, especially if you live in the bottom of a valley. But think about it - you are surrounded by these large balls of cotton wool, perfect for soaking up excess fluid. Chuck a few sheep in the flood area and hey presto - you're sorted and dry.

Fire is another risk factor that determines claims on home insurance. This is where 'drop and roll' comes into play. Whistle your sheep dog, who has been trained to line your sheep up. Line them up in the fire vicinity, lay them down and roll in one swift movement. This will stifle flames through lack of oxygen, thus saving your small holding.

Never find yourself needing to make a claim on home insurance due to subsidence. Most Welsh crofts are built on hillsides so only one side will be a problem for subsidence. If this occurs, bung a few fat sheep, shove them underneath and there you go - one level home again. In the event that this doesn't work, you could always shell out 2.99 pounds and buy another house.

Vandalism, of course, is not something you can avoid anywhere. However, given the distance between crofts in the Welsh hills and the inherent laziness of youths these days, your chances of being victim to vandals is pretty slim. In fact, the most they can manage if they make it to your land is to spray paint your sheep and at the worst this makes them look silly but doesn't actually have any detrimental effects on your home insurance.

In Wales, you are most unlikely to be subject to any terrorist attacks and this is so remote that you may even still be covered in your home insurance, unlike your counterparts in London.

In London, you will pay anything in the region of half a million, even for the smallest property. You will then be subject to bombing from terrorists, for which your home insurance will not cover you (because of Clause 5.3.2.4.5.9), you will be prone to flooding due to the Thames overflowing from global warming, subsidence is possible due to every square inch of London being dug up to provide more box size accommodation and vandals make you an easy target because they probably live next door.

All this, accompanied by horrendous home insurance charges because of your postcode!