A deadbeat dad is not just someone who forgets that his children are his financial responsibility. A deadbeat dad is also someone who has his priorities askew and forgets to maintain regular visits with his children. Unfortunately all the characteristics of an abusive father like immaturity and violence and very inappropriate behaviors don't change much even after the mom has fled the family home with the children. It is usually all about the wants and needs of the dad rather than what is best for his children. Case in point, the dad can take time off work to attend a wedding of one of his friend's sons but is unable to do the same for his own daughters appearance in a school play.



I don't know if there is any way to get these deadbeat dads to change their priorities, I just know that I get angry seeing my children always placed second or third or fourth behind their dad's friends and his mistress(girlfriend). I thought that I had made a good choice of a father for the kids. Boy was I wrong! During our relationship the man had to be pushed into spending time with us and even then he whined the whole time. Based on my experience in the field of domestic violence this is pretty normal.

I believe that the programs that encourage supervised visits are excellent for the children and their father. The problem is, the courts do not want to take the responsibility and enforce visitation. It is up to the Father. So he is able to maintain whatever relationship he wants irregardless of how it affects his kids. We as the Moms are left to deal with the behaviors associated with angry children. Even though the children have witnessed the abused and maybe even been victims of violence, they still love their dad and want to spend time with him.

The children get upset when he doesn't call as planned and take their hostility out on everyone around them. Or else they are just sad and do not really understand why and tend to adopt an "I do not care attitude". All the while out stomachs are churning because there is no way we as moms can fix this. We cant make them understand that their father is just very immature. We cant make them understand why he did not call and we cant make them understand why he doesn't love them even to put them first in his life.

We also have to deal with the subject of the new girlfriend since most men tend to hook up with another woman rather quickly since they have so many control issues and are lost when they cant use them. It is easier when the children are younger because they are more in the here and now mode and can be distracted easier. It is harder when the children are teenagers because they understand they are being dumped and just grow angrier and stop trying to understand. How are we expected to teach our children to understand and respect their dads when he is not affording them the same courtesy.

One real aspect of the deadbeat dad syndrome is the father who refuses to help out with the children's needs financially. The courts can make him pay what is ordered but sometimes it costs the mother thousands of dollars in lawyers fees while an agreement is worked out. This does not benefit the kids in anyway since there is no way for the mother ever to recoup this money. I know of one case where the father rang up more than a $1000 in legal fees for the mom when he said he didn't have access to his children anymore because his eldest daughter's cell phone didn't work. It took all that money in fees with letters back and forth between lawyers saying the same dang thing........The family phone number had remained the same so maybe he could try that number. Again it is a power and control issue!He wants what he wants when he wants it and the mom and kids have to pay the price!

If he cant hit or lock out of the house, then he is going to wound the mom and children in any way he can. That is usually financially since a single mom typically makes less money or has more expenses as a single mom with children. So we watch and see him give the kids gifts of money and treats when he does actually deem to arrange a visit and we try not to feel hostile and angry because we know in the long run who the children really respect, can count on and trust.

Choose wise next time. Moms. Choose a friend to share your life with because with that comes respect. Respect is something the deadbeat dad will never earn from his family.