There is a dramatic difference between listening and hearing. Hearing is the sense by which sound is perceived. When we truly listen, we are understanding the message behind the words.

The other significant point about listening is that often people to not listen to understand, they listen to respond. Even though someone is seemingly hearing you, they may actually be hearing only enough to form their own response. Therefore, somewhere in the middle of the conversation they are no longer listening to understand.

Everyone knows how frustrating it can feel to try and share a story or explain a situation only to find out that the person you are speaking with hasn't been listening. I am guilty to this very problem and believe many other people are as well. The media we can tap into so easily has made gathering data so much easier. We can blog, text, and IM people from almost anywhere. It is created a society where are accustomed to multi-tasking our communications. Yet we as humans still have a desire to be listened to and to have those to whom we are speaking really pay attention. We at the very least want to have them try and understand where we are coming from.

I have read several books and watched the people I consider my mentors demonstrate how to improve listening skills. It is a skill that can be learned and improved upon. What I have learned from some listening experts has helped me fine-tune my own ability to listen. Here is what I have learned.

1) When someone is sharing something with you if you are face to face try to look them in the eye as much as possible. This requires focus. If you are on a phone, try to limit your multi-tasking.

2) While the other person is speaking consciously listen and try to see their story through their eyes as they speak.

3) When they pause state back something that they have said a different way to make sure you understand.

4) Try to stay open to their point of view and really understand what they are saying.

5) Notice how listening to them shifts your desire to speak and allows you to enjoy actually listening to someone else.

These skills may help you become a better listener. I have realized that often if I actually listened to people when they speak I gain so much more than just listening to respond.

Notable quotes about listening:

Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak. Epictetus (50-120) Greek philosopher

Listening well and answering well is one of the greatest perfections that can be obtained in conversation. François de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) French writer A person hears only what they understand. Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe (1749-1832) German poet, novelist and dramatist

Never speak of yourself to others; make them talk about themselves instead; therein lies the whole art of pleasing. It is something we all know, but often don't remember to apply. Edmond de Goncourt (1822-1896) French Writer

I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen. Ernest Hemingway (1898-1961) American Writer

When a woman is speaking to you, listen to what she says with her eyes. Victor Hugo (1802-1885) French poet, dramatist and novelist

We only consult the ear because the heart is wanting. Blaise Pascal (1623-1662) French mathematician, physicist and philosopher

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