Margaret was astounded and angry at her own foolishness for falling for her latest boyfriends smooth lines. She was a sophisticated, well educated and quite beautiful woman in her late 40's.



She entered my office for therapy distraught over her bad luck with dating men in her region This was not the first female patient that had expressed her disdain for the games that men play in the game of dating sites which seem to only showcase the "success stories".

I try to focus on women's perspectives on these issues not only of dating, but the new-age processes of Internet dating, sex and love. I am not so sure that the problem is specific to any specific city (many of those interviewed for this article live nation wide). It seems that in our 21st century world of dating, these issues of the search for ultimate love, lust, and romance with the perfect partner run rampant and seem to have that could be a block away or across the globe.

More often than not, women are complaining about several major repeated patterns of behavior seen in many of the men they have met. Listed below are the major offenders as stated by many of the women interviewed for purposes of this topic, intimacy, sex, and dating, or all of the above.

Here are a few things *not* to do when courting a potential soul-mate:

1. The man has chronic predictable ADHD. He loves dating you, almost as much as he loves being back on the dating sites seducing other gullible women.

2. "men lie about their ages and pretend to be something that they are not"

3. "if they don't have ex-girlfriends...they are still married or "separated" and expect you to put up with listening to them talk about their ex's.

4. "A lot of allegedly mature males can't even follow through. They take you on a date, tell you how crazy they are about you, and then don't call back for a week, while doing Starbuck's other women.... all the while having made a date with you for the upcoming weekend, and expecting you to be very excited and feel special about it.

OK...OK....OK...... I get the picture...... As a single woman myself, I have kissed my share of frogs. The key question here is.....WHY DO PEOPLE FAIL OUR EXPECTATIONS OF THEM???? And that is exactly what they do, because we set ourselves up for these disappointments!!!!!! People are people are people......thats right....we are humans with human frailties. All of us make mistakes, and not only fail others but ourselves as well at times.

In our new cyber-world of "internet dating"......we as women have to be, ...and by the way.........this is not an if, or a maybe, but absolutely a mandate that we "MUST BE" vigilant in our survival instincts!!!!!!! In other words....you must be discerning in your choices and stand firm with them, no matter how smooth the talker is on the other end. If your instincts say this is wrong, then this *is* wrong.

Would you scatter money away haphazardly, or give away your most valued possessions to just any old person that passed your way? Of course not!!!!!!! Then I ask, why are we as women...so often giving away our most precious belonging....our essence and soul energy. Thats right.....your essence.....that which makes up the core of who you know yourself to be, including your sense of self, self-esteem, loving heart, and even your physical life force. Your energy. Your very soul.

With many local men are acting like teens..living their midlife crises, why must we be susceptible to their fragile egos and senseless rehash of boyhood "acting out"?

"How to find the "perfect partner" is often asked to me. The answer lies in loving and respecting yourself-first. On the subject of sex, love and your body, you can never truly give to another, what you have not accepted for yourself. Its an old line but applies to love as well as tangible objects, "You cannot give what you don't have to give."

Grabbing onto and keeping this type of self-awareness means that, 'you are aware of what the boundaries and pitfalls of internet dating entails'. You're give physical, energetic, emotional, mental, soul-level, and spiritual aspects of your being, while maneuvering through this cyber-space world of the dating and mating process. Why not guard against the dangerous curves in the icy highways of relationships?

In the final analysis, you are responsible for taking responsibility for your own safety and growth. So even if the big bad wolf.....slips you that slippery and rancid cup of tea, it is up to you to decide if you want to go down that path! As they say...."IF YOU DON'T STAND FOR SOMETHING....YOU'LL FALL FOR ANYTHING....little Red Riding Hood