I was thinking about softness, and how it changes your vibe. We're all very smart, very clever, very defended. We don't want anyone to see how films about animals make us cry, or our scrap booking, or all the mistakes we made and continue to make around everything in life. We don't want anyone to see that we're lonely, or frightened, or exuberant about the simplest things. We don't want anyone to see us being childlike and hopeful. So we cultivate our intellect, our opinions, our thoughts on where we've been and where we're going.
Today I was in the kitchen eating what I'd cooked, when my husband walked in. I have a horrible history of burning food. There was the time several months ago when I retreated to the microwave, defeated, afraid my absent-mindedness would burn the house down (talk about repressed rage). In the last few weeks I've been trying the stove again ? scheduling cooking time, staying put in the kitchen, turning on the timer, sharpening my attention, and not burning anything! I'm cured! I'm a cook! I'm not a menace, I can do this! And the ground turkey I cooked in the pan smelled very nice on my plate. And he says, alarm and accusation in his voice, "Did you burn something?"
"No!" I look up at him in shock.
"It smells like you burned something. Something's burned." and he walks into the kitchen.
"No, no!" I defend, going for the pan, picking it up to show him, feeling five years old and incompetent. "It's just nicely brown, see?" I say forcefully, totally righteously. It's his nose that's wrong.
"Well, it smells like something's burned."
All of a sudden I get what I really feel. Yes, I'm five. I screw up my face and do big time mock crying and whining. "But I didn't burn it!" I wail. "I didn't...." and I go all gooey, pan in my hand, miserable. And in that second, my husband does a 180. His eyes go deep and very blue-green, he smiles so fast I'm taken aback, and he comes towards me, arms around me, "Ohhhhhhh," he says. And that's the end of it.
"So, how's your day?" he skips right to his next thought, and he's standing right up against me, and we're connected, and I leap from five-year-old to grownup, from lump to goddess. Long ago, whenever this happened, I used to think it was because he was competitive and didn't want me to be big. I thought he liked me girly and the loser at chess and gin rummy. I thought he was scared of my fortitude. Now I know that's not it at all.
He just likes me better soft. He likes me better where I am than where I wish I was. He likes me better human than mistake-proof. And by liking me better this way, he encourages me to rise to the ultimate test of any relationship: He inspires me to say that I like myself best when I'm with him.
Copyright (c) 2006 Rori Gwynne
Love Advice For Women
Having a good relationship with a guy is what is most important to most girls. Knowing how the guys are judging you is the most important thing so that you are able to understand the way that men think a little more.
First, you will find that men will think about the shallow end of the pool first. They will want to see a woman who walks with confidence and someone who can carry herself well.
They want to make sure that you aren't going to show them a lot of baggage up front. You don't want to seem too desperate by wearing something too provocative. You will also want to think about the makeup. This means that you don't want to look like a night girl, but someone who is sleek and sexy, but also fun.
Secondly, they want to think about whether or not you can handle the boys and the parents. They need to talk well. This means that you have to think about your standing views on some of the recent news. You will also want to think about the quality of talk too. You don't want to pull things out of your head or make things up.
If you can't hold a conversation, they will never take the date further than this one dinner. You don't want to sound ditzy, but they are attracted to women who know their stuff.
Other than the way that you show your confidence, they also judge you on your non-verbal communications. This means they will judge the way that you eat, the way that you sit, the way that you walk, everything about your demeanor.
Most of the time they judge women on topics that they never even think of. This is all subconscious. You need to act like a lady. You can't have your hands flying around or bring negative attention to yourself. You need to have poise and you need to have good manners.
Some women think that they have to go with the shock value, however, if you are not comfortable, and then don't go for it. It is true that men like a woman to dazzle them, however, you may be able to dazzle them with your own personality.
This means that if you are going to fake it, they will begin to notice it. It is always best to be honest and real. The minute that he finds out that you were lying to him or misleading him it will be over. The way to a strong relationship is through the truth. If you begin a relationship with lies you will only end up having a really bad break up.
There aren't too many things that they will judge you on, however, they are practically the same things that you will judge him. You will want to make sure that you think about the things that you judge your dates based on. If you will want to have a successful relationship, you will have to work for it. Keep in mind that there are some things that are going to bother others, however, there are qualities that allow a person to overlook the bad things.
You need to make sure that you rank the things that bother you and that may bother your date. Once you have an idea of what type of date you are, you'll be able to work on a good start and possibly the beginning of a long relationship.
If you focus on your positive traits and you try to work on your faults, you'll be able to succeed in a relationship and you'll have the relationship carried on. The fact is that there are a lot of people who get too tense at a first date, however, if you learn to just be yourself and comfortable, you'll be able to work on a strong beginning.
The key to a great first date is to look good, feel confident, and really talk about what kind of things that you are into. Stand up for the things that you feel are right and show some opinions. Allow the person to get a feeling for who you are.
Dating can be hard and it can be frustrating. You will want to make sure that you just try to be yourself and not show just how nervous you really are. Before you go into the restaurant to meet your date, you will want to give yourself a last look over and pep talk. You'll be able to calm your nerves and really reveal why type of person you really are.
Both Rori Gwynne & Cucan Pemo are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Rori Gwynne has sinced written about articles on various topics from Kitchen Home Improvement. In her workshops, classes, private coaching, radio and TV shows and newest book, Have the Relationship You Want, relationship coach Rori Gwynne teaches women the completely original, simple-to-do and stunningly effective techniques for communication, conf. Rori Gwynne's top article generates over 1300 views. to your Favourites.
Cucan Pemo has sinced written about articles on various topics from Divorce and Infidelity, Family and Marriage. STOP getting the Man or Woman you like the hard way! Sign up for your and learn how to command attention, change Minds, influence your lover, a. Cucan Pemo's top article generates over 90500 views. to your Favourites.
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