There are a few important realizations that come to us by being single. The most significant of them how we feel when we are alone. Although we might think this will change when we meet someone, the long term truth of the matter is that it doesn't. We feel what we feel, alone or with someone, and the choice is ours. Our feelings are our choice.



So, alone or with someone, our feelings belong to us. In a relationship we have the comforting option to blame our partner when we feel crappy, and take the credit when we feel good. Being in a relationship really does spread the load of self responsibility because we can accuse our partner of causing our troubles, emotions and struggle. But really, that's a lie.

Relationships can also take the fall for our disappointments. I was once going out with a flirtatious woman who always smiled and got attention in public, she seemed the life of the party, but when we got home, if the act couldn't continue (which it can't because it's dependent on attention from others) she would become really angry at me.

Relationships can also become our last hope for some hidden aspirations. We can easily attach ourselves to someone who is rich, famous, clever, witty, handsome, beautiful or successful in order to live out that part of our lives through attachment. (much like the parent over invested in their children's success nothing affects the child like the unlived life of the parent)

Relationships can also become a breeding ground for our worst fears. If you carry some unfinished business into a new relationship, you automatically sabotage that relationship. If you fear something happening, have pain still existing from the past, hold anger or even some level of hurt from a past relationship, you are sure to breed all your problems in some form or another, in the new.

So, relationships that last, are different to relationships that don't last because those three factors do not exist in lasting relationships. There is no blame, no dependence for self respect, and no unfinished business from the past. These three elements alone can guarantee the future of a relationship.

In a relationship consultation, I often work through all three issues with couples. We put in place no blame strategies and create compassionate support for hidden aspirations and unfulfilled dreams. We also check the belief systems and values list of each individual to make sure there's no unfinished business living itself out in day to life choices.

Sustainable love requires honesty and a few good ground rules. I do believe that the honeymood can last forever. It just take two to tango.