When a guy finds himself in a situation where the spotlight is on him, he often becomes very shy. This is an automatic response to stress. Our brains are programmed to detect and react to possible danger. You know, ‘the old fight or flight mechanism'.



But why do you feel in danger when you attract attention? Because, although you know the attention is good, your brain is telling you that it's dangerous to stand out from the crowd. It's safer to blend in.

This is a really primal function. It goes way back to when we were cave men, or even further back to our animal roots. When primitive man stood out in any way, he became a target: for predators; as competition; or to be judged and expelled by the tribe.

Now, although these dangers are still there in a lesser way these days, they don't have nearly as much importance as they did in the past.

It's unlikely that you'll be picked off by a predator if you separate yourself from the crowd in the shopping mall. A dark alley at night might be a different proposition. But even this isn't nearly as threatening as the media would have us believe. The media feeds this fear in us to get OUR attention so we'll buy their paper, watch their news, or see their movie.

Even if you have competition, it doesn't usually result in a ‘to the death' fight anymore. You may loose your job or your status, but it won't mean death.

And if you're judged, and subsequently thrown out of your tribe, you won't die. You'll just find new friends elsewhere - or become a loner. Either way, it won't kill you!

But your brain hasn't caught up with ‘civilization'. It's still hot-wired to react using its old survival mechanism. And it doesn't care if it makes you miserable- as long as it keeps you alive.

Overcoming shyness is therefore quite a chore because it's tied in with our deepest primal mentality. There are ways to beat it. Creative Visualization, self-talk, and hypnotherapy are some of the main ways.

You may not have heard of Creative Visualization. It's what elite athletes use to prep for their events. It involves imagining a situation you want to improve and seeing it as it could be.

So, if you were shy around women you liked, then you'd visualize yourself being confident and at ease with these women, saying things that amuse and interest them.

It's not the same as a nice fantasy, though. If it were that easy, the guys who do the most fantasizing would be the least shy. But it's usually the other way around.

It's not wishful thinking, either.

Visualization is a very strategic process that gets deep into your sub-conscious and lays down imagined experiences as if they were ‘real'. It sort of tricks the brain into believing something that didn't really happen.

Whether you use visualization, develop good self-talk, or any of the other processes that are out there to help reduce shyness, it still comes down to the same issue: convincing your over-protective brain that you will not be in fatal peril if you stand out from the crowd.Do that and you're home free!