Have you ever had any insecurities about having sex? Maybe only at first... but maybe you are still having unpleasant thoughts about it. Thoughts like "Will he/she like me?", or "Was I good enough?" etc. You get the idea. The truth is that most people have such thoughts. But since nobody talks about it, it remains a problem. The only way to solve any problem, is to acknowledge its existence.

The reason why we worry so much is because of the way we view sex. We think it is some kind of test to whether we are good enough to call ourselves men/women. It is nothing like that. Here is why your attitude towards lovemaking will never work: It is not about you! It shouldn't matter to you if you are "performing" well. You are not giving a performance in the curcus.

All the media today make us believe that we need to be perfect in every aspect. Our bodies need to be perfect, we need to know exactly what to do, and so on. Knowing much about sex is always a plus, but it is just some kind of bonus. Something that will help you explore your bodies more thoroughly. But it doesn't take any knowledge for you and your partner to get a wonderful experience.

It is all about an intimate communication on a deep subconscious level. It's just another way of socializing, and a very pleasant one. This is the truth, that puts the foundation of the win-win principle.

The win-win principle says like this: instead of trying to perform at your best, make it fun. Make it fun for both you and your partner. You win, and your partner wins also. This is the key. If you make it fun, all will fall down in its place. Here's why...

When you are having fun, it is easier to relax. When you relax - there are two key results.

First - you start thinking more clearly. That mind clarity will help you make the right choices about how to please your partner. But do it with love, not because you have to.

Second - you start feeling safe. And this also applies to your partner. Only when a woman is feeling safe, she can reach orgasm. That feeling will also improve the orgasm of the man. Again... you both win.

Another key in your mindset - think of both you and your partner as one. It is not about YOU trying to pleas him/her and the other way around. It's about going together towards a common goal - orgasm. When you think about it with that mindset, you will find out that all your fears will be gone. You will no longer view your partner as an enemy, or someone, to whom you need to give something.

This is what true intimacy is all about, and now you have the key. It is almost like a secret, until someone reveals it for you. Then it just feels right, and you start wondering what were you thinking before. It really is that simple. Do everything with love, and pleasure will come without you making an effort.